A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm engaged to a woman who I've dated for a combined total of 1.5 years (with a four year break-up). I love spending time with her and although we don't have too many shared interests, we always find ways to entertain ourselves for hours on end. But recently I've felt less and less physically attracted to her overall and I'm worried it will continue as we go forward.I find myself checking out nearly every girl I see and comparing her to my fiance! From the time our relationship started, we never really had "fireworks" or I've felt I had to win her over... we've just spent enough time together that it made sense to get married. I broke up with her before because I was not ready to get married (seemed like where we were heading) and I wasn't as attracted to her as I thought I should be....4 years later and with a diamond on her finger, it looks like I'm still in the same place! The wedding date is coming up and I'm still totally unsure of what to do.The other major problem is that our families are very close and have grown VERY excited about the engagement/planning. So I really feel boxed into a wall in that I can't really talk to friends/family about it comfortably until I've decided as I know it will crush them to find out the truth (I am the first in my family to be engaged).I've read up with online articles, followed their advice by talking to her and writing down my thoughts, even taking a week long getaway to move away from wedding planning and see if my un-easyness would magically go away. I've had brief moments were things seem to get better but then when she is not around, I find myself soul searching again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Thanks!When I've talked to her, she finds a way to re-assure me that everything is going to be ok and will get better. I haven't talked to her about not being as attracted to her any more yet though...worried that may be too hurtful.I've always been the type who over thinks things...I did that with my first and longest love and now I feel I may be doing it again, any advice on how I tell if my thoughts are serious concerns or just cold feet?Also, when we've talked about postponing wedding, it just freaks her out and makes her think we'll never get married.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): It seems that you're having a difficult time with this. Men who TRULY wants to get married don't go through all this. Don't force yourself into something you're not sure about just to comply with other because you'll end up miserable. Just post pone the marriage until she gets tired. I'll tell ya, if this is hard enough, imagine when you get married! Then you'll really be tied down. Well, good luck!
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