A
female
age
41-50,
*inxedAgain
writes:I bought a house with my BF. Two months later turns out he's a sex addict. A year goes by and a lot of emotions trying to come to terms with it (I stay). Finally, I reconnect with a guy from 20 years ago. A nice guy. We spend 3 hours a night on the phone, we meet for coffee, we were emotionally intimate. I asked him to get a STD test, he did. We spent 6 months being emotionally intimate and meeting where we could (me and BF with house were over and I was just trying to find a place to live). New guy was very private and told me very intimate details about his life, said stuff about a future, etc. I was the one saying...let's see where things go, etc. No pressure from me(except once we talked about kids and I told him that if we were going to see where this went there was no point unless he also wanted children.)Things were going really, really well. Finally I found a place to live and I was moving out - we had plans for him to come over the weekend after I moved. (I like my own "me" time). He was excited about the move, we talked the day before I moved (my ex helped me move the day-of)...Then the weekend I move - I never hear from him again. Nothing. He doesn't return my calls, text, emails - nothing. He vanished without a word. he blocks me on MSN, keeps his VM full so I cannot leave a message, but leaves me as a friend on FB (so I know he's still kicking).How do you go from 3 hours chats a night (we never slept together) to nothing? On the weekend I move out? It's been 5 months now and I still would love an answer. It's not as though he used me for money or sex or anything. What the heck?Also...he has my high school yearbook (we went to high school together 20 years ago) and I've offered to send a courier to pick it up and even then no response. It's like if he talks to me he'll vapourize.Anyone have an answer to the nagging question why?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 “Anyone have an answer to the nagging question why?”
I don’t. But since your question has been here unanswered for over 2 days, I’ll give you some guesses:
Guess 1: He is crazy.
Guess 2: You are crazy. If so perhaps you are leaving something out of the story that explains the new guy’s actions.
Guess 3: He is emotional immature and not able to have a real romantic relationship. (I view this as being different from being crazy.) When you were with him he was caught up in the emotion and just went with how he felt. When you moved into your new place it gave him time to think about being with you and he could not handle it. He may have sex hang-ups and/or dysfunctions he is ashamed of and has cut it off with you before you would have found out. He does not know how to tell you this (he may not how to explain it to himself) and he may be ashamed of what he said when he was with you, so he can’t face you now.
Like I said I don’t know the answer, and the guesses above are based on wild speculation of a situation I don’t know enough about. Assuming #2 is not the case, I can suggest the following to get your yearbook back. Go to his house unannounced with a friend, preferably a mutual friend, and ask for your yearbook. Tell your friend you broke up with the new guy (which I think you have) and you think their presence will help prevent a scene. Say as little as possible (but let him talk if he wants to) get your yearbook and leave.
Good luck and hope this helps.
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