A
female
age
36-40,
*annah5066
writes:It’s been a couple of years, but the same issues are popping up again. I guess I would just like to know if anyone else is a emotionally immature/sexually confused 23 year old?The last girl I dated I broke up because she wanted more than ‘friends with benefits’ the last guy I dated I only did it so that he wouldn’t sleep with other people. I purposely went out of my way to hurt him and didn’t feel guilty. Rationally I knew it was the wrong thing to do and I feel disgusted with myself, that I have the ability to destroy a persons feelings and I don’t even care. Don’t get me wrong, when my mother had breast cancer when I was younger, I was the only one there at the hospital. I walked for 20mins every second day to get to the hospital on time and I know the importance of family and being there. However when it comes to having relationships with other people, I can’t. There is something that is seriously wrong if I feel nothing when I go out of my way to hurt people and play with their feelings. I’ve rarely been sober and had sexual relations with people, I’ve always been on something. The thing that worries me is that I don’t know if my feelings are to do with being sexually confused (i.e, I’m very much sexually attracted to men, but when I’m with them I think about women).Given the fact that the longest ‘relationship’ I’ve had was 6 moths (I was 17 at the time). I mean what’s the point if every man I’m with I think of women and every woman I’m with I break up with, I feel no guilt for cheating and don’t feel any need to tell the other person. I’ve given up dating people since the last guy, because my behaviour was completely unacceptable. And if I don’t give a damn, then I’d prefer not to mess around with other people’s feelings, until I can straighten things out. Maybe the conclusion is that, I’m not built to have relationships. Maybe intimacy isn’t something that is purely derived from sex. Maybe intimacy is overrated. Maybe.
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