A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there!It's been a while since I've needed to use this website but here's goes...My new boyfriend of a couple of months has bought us a holiday abroad for a few days (flights and hotel). We are going away this Friday and the closer it gets, the more stressed out i feel. This is because I have only a certain amount of money I can spend, which will lead me to literally not be able to spend money on anything but bills for the next month after. He earns far more than me. Enough to not worry about this kind of thing. I feel really embarrassed and ashamed. All I will think about is budget this and budget that and he'll want do buy this and do that. I want to be able to afford us to get merry and eat well and not think about what money I have left to spend for the next few days. It makes me feel small and like I'm unappreciative that I will be hoping he does pay a bit . Normally, he buys us dinner and then we split on drinks on days out. What do I do? I don't want to direct a conversation about my rubbish job and how I can't afford much :( . And then I think that after I get back from holiday how will I be able to go out with him for a while!? So embarrassing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): This is a time for honesty and you need to have a conversation that while you are away you are on a strict budget so you can afford your bills and would appreciate his help in finding places to eat/drink that aren't expensive so you can afford it. Also let him know that once you're back you will have to save all your money to be able to pay bills so instead of going out you will have to do staying in dates or going for walks etc... because you don't want to not be able to afford your bills and even splitting costs after this holiday will not be possible for you (you can say you don't want him to be in afford position of having to pay for things so together you can think of different dates to have that are free!).There is no point pretending you can afford things and as romantic a gesture it is for him to book this trip it might make him consider that not everyone has a disposable income like he does. He obviously likes you, just be honest. Your job and your financial situation doesn't change who you are, and he obviously likes who you are or he wouldn't have wanted to take you on a surprise trip away :-)
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 June 2016):
 Hi op, I can see where you are coming from, did he surprise you with this trip? Because if he did, as nice a gesture it may be, cant just assume that you would have the finances to up skis and go spending willy nilly. That of course doesn't help your situation. One would think that his intention would be to shout you a bit more than expected on this occasion but how do you know? You need to discuss it with him. Be honest, not embarrassed you are a working woman after all. Acknowledge that you appreciate his loving generosity but the timing is just not right for you to just up and leave without first budgeting. Thats what you do and thats how you live. Thats what smart people do anyway. Doing something like this, the onus really is on him to be very clear on whether it is an all expenses paid or not arrangement. Thats his stuff up , not yours. If any thing he should feel a wee embarrassed for putting you in the situation in the first place. If he is not willing to foot the cost at the end of the day, if you cant afford to go then you cant afford to go. Maybe he can give it to his parents as a gift and you two both plan for the next trip. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I think that on this case honesty is best. I completely get you on the crappy paying job part but its good to let certain people know that you're on a strict budget and its no fault of your own. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand that you cannot possibly afford to splurge on other things because you have bills to see to. Be honest and open. He is your boyfriend after all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): Being with someone means that you can share the good and the bad.You earning less is your situation at the moment. It's not who you are, it's not how things will be forever, just how they are right now.I think you should be honest. It will make things easier for you in the long run. If he doesn't know what your financial situation is, he can presume that you can afford many things that you can't which may lead to unpleasant situations. If he's a keeper he can only respect you more for not throwing away the money you basically do not have and for not wanting to spend his.It is very important to compromise when finances are concerned. Please do not be embarrassed for not earning as much as he does or for living from hand to mouth. You are supporting yourself, you are not stealing or living off of anybody. You should be proud!I would tell him what I told you at the beginning that at this moment money is tight and that you appreciate his gesture(s) but that you cannot spend your monthly budget on a holiday and that you do not expect him to pay for you. Inform yourself about the place your going to. You'd be surprised to find that there are many things that are cheap or free. This is true for some of the most expensive cities in the world. London has free museums, just walking in Paris is a treat and costs nothing...Everything will be fine don't worry :)
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