A
female
age
41-50,
*ackadocous
writes:I am so in love with this man. He has done everything that I have asked of him. But yesterday I found out that he (my fiance) slept with my godsister who frequents my house. They both say it happened a long time ago and it never happened again. My wedding is scheduled for August 2, 2008. He says that he wants to make our relationship work and it meant nothing. I don't see my life without this man. Should the wedding go on? I am dying inside. It came out because someone that he confided in about the incident basically told someone that i am real cool with. I just dismissed it as a lie and never asked them but the other day the three of us went to dinner (pre-Valentine's)and i just got this vibe that she has something to tell me. My fiance and i relationship was the smoothest i've ever had. If i don't like something he changes, we spend plenty of time with each other, i can talk to him, he adores me and everyone sees it. Our relationship is too in tune for this to have happened but when it happened between my godsister and him we were technically just starting out in our relationship. Does that make it any better though? And what's up with keeping all that secret for so long and better yet with all the hanging out we do together? Another thing is he is usually so honest with me that after i spoke to them both he expressed that he didn't think that i should hold that against them because now they are innocently friends now and nothing else ever happened or will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): When did it happen and what has he said about it?
What about your godsister and what did she say?
It is totally understandable that you have now concerns. You would be a fool not to. But, it all really does depend on what happened, why, when and if he is sorry and you can see something which should now be reassurance you deserve, as his partner in the first instance, but you are about to get married, this is not something which you need to hear just before your big day.
I do not beleive in the "it just happened senario" These two people are in your life for the long haul. You at least deserve to explore ANY CONCERNS/WORRIES OR DOUBTS - Before you tie the knot.
He didn't tell you, you found out. He has said it is in the past and forgotten. Is that enough? If not you should firstly have no doubt that most other women/partners would have cause for concern.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Honey, I really don't know how to put this in an easier way, he sounds like a great guy, and you're a great couple, so stay together, and let the wedding carry forward. This happened a long time ago, so I would recommend talking to him about it, be completely honest and open with each other, and yeah the truth will undoubtedly hurt for a short while, but you'll feel so much better for knowing. Don't let the past ruin your future, is always my motto :] If marrying him will make you happy, and you love him with all of your heart, I'm sure you'll find it inside you to forgive him. Good luck :]
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