A
female
age
,
*adnlonely
writes:How long will it take me to get over being dumped by my married lover?I know it was wrong and I never should have got involved but I fell for all the old cliches. My wife and I only share a bed. I'm leaving next year. We are like brother and sister. You have changed my life etc etc. He told ne he loved me and would send me lovely emails. Sex was amazing. He's had erection problems but I helped him get over them.He would stay over as often as he could. Then just out of the blue one day he didn't contact me and wouldn't answer my mails or texts.He even deleted me as a friend off Facebook.Eventually after 5 days he mailed saying he didn't love me enough to give me a future (which I'd never asked for. It was like a bolt out of the blue. He's been with me the weekend before talking about our future and told me he loved me so much!! WHY?? I can't get my head round it and keep going over and over in my mind all our conversations. I miss him so much it hurts. I cant eat or sleep. It's been a week now and I've lost half a stone. I can't stop crying. My whole body aches. Will I ever get over being dumped so badly? I know I'm partly to blame as I should never have got involved with a married man. But my self-esteem is low. I hadn't had a relationship for few years and it was good to feel loved by someone. I fully beleived him when he said his marriage was over. Gullible I know!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): I'm going thru the same thing. In my case, I gave him an ultimatum after he admitted being intimate with her after liying about it for over a year. He said he wasn't choosing cause right now it wasnt a good time for him so I ended it. I missed him so much I messaged him a week later, but he said it was best that I stay away from him. I deserved someone who cangive me the relationship i want and I should meet someone else. Devastated me, but I think one day I'll thank him for letting me go. Hang in there. I heard it'll get better with time. Hopefully it won't take me long. :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I too have been in your position and it's very hard but, believe me it will get easier. Try to focus on anything and as you tke each day, try not to look back and just remember he is only another man and one day you will wake up and feel so lifted and free ! look forward to that day because its a wonderfull feeling . I too will never forget my lover but it dosent hurt anymore so while your heart heals try hard because you will be fine sooner than you think. Good luck and my sympathy is with you
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A
female
reader, LisaE  +, writes (5 July 2009):
Your question has hit home for me as I am the other woman in a relationship that has been going on for 3 1/2 years now. In these 3 1/2 years, I have heard the same things you have heard. But for me, after all this time, neither of those things has happened. Yet, we both have a hard time letting each other go. Please be thankful that this man has chosen to set you free knowing that he will never be able to leave home. Though his words were hurtful and mean, he has given you the best gift ever... your freedom to pursue someone worthy of your time.
In time your hurt will heal and you will be able to move on. I wish you the best of luck. If you need someone to talk to, you can send me a personal message here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): i know it feels good to have your affair condoned by all but maybe you are getting what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. maybe some harsh truths cannot be bad but i choose not to give too many of these to you since:1. i believe you cannot handle the truth2. i will be called names for so called judging you. 3. what have you learn, if any, from your affair with this married man?you cared NOTHING about his married status. you just blame him for the "lies" he has inflicted onto you. low self esteem doesn't justify you spreading it for this man. at least try to value yourself in future. you never asked this man for a future yet you had no moral backbone that he was cheating /betraying his wife with you. you are acting like a victim when in fact you were a willing accomplice. instead of only balming this man, perhaps try looking at yourself ctitically. maybe you will be surprised at what you find out about yourself. as for feeling sorry for his wife, right now this is so laughable. now you are feeling sorry for his wife, why?beacuse he dumped your sorry ass, and you noe ridicule his wife. if you want to ever thake anything out of this experience it is time to critically evalaute yourself. stop blaming and stop playing the victim. how can you have trust isues now, when you were an untrustworthy person yourself for conducting yourself in the manner that you were. you knew the score, yet you knowingly indulged. you did not care who you hurt just so long as it was you came to. lies and hurt, betrayal, humiliation, if you sow this what else can you expect in return.i do feel sorry for you. but in feeling sorry for you and condoing your affair, am i being fair to you. if you think it is ok to have affairs, you will continue and not learn anything. but if you start questioning yourself, morals, integrity, self worth, then you need to slowly accpet this break up and move on. and also tell yourself that you will not cross the line again, no matter just how gullible you may be feeling.we all have choices and with these choices we face the harsh consequences of our actions. the other aunts have given you excellent suggestions to move on but you need to decide how to lead your life. everyone can give you suggestions but what sits well with you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): it will take a long time but you will overcome your current situation. just leave the past in the past.
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A
female
reader, sadnlonely +, writes (4 July 2009):
sadnlonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo you helped me, don't apologise. It's good to have someone to talk to. You weren't cruel you gave good advice thankyou
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 Oh dear. I did not mean to make you cry. I hope I was not cruel. Hang in there hun...one day at a time. If you need to take some time to cry, to feel the pain...then do whatever you need to do...everyone is different. It must be so disorienting.
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A
female
reader, sadnlonely +, writes (4 July 2009):
sadnlonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the replies. Although they made me cry they helped me. I know I'm better off without him and as you say glad I'm not his wife. But the pain is so intense it feels like I'll never be the same again. All the old feelings off worthlessness and trust have risen again. But I take comfort from your words and it feels good to talk to someone.
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (4 July 2009):
Hi there.
Ok...take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up. I, for one am not going to judge you for this situation. Sometimes in life,when we are vulnerable and alone we make decisions we would not make if we were grounded and sure of yourself. From your post, you fell into this situation because of neediness. You may have been missing the presence of a man in your life. Married men can be more charming, more seductive because they already have someone at home..this is not saying he did not care about you but in a sense he had less to lose.
Sounds like you are going through the stages of grieving. It could turn into clinical depression. You have a gaping emotional wound and you need to be proactive in terms of eating as best you can. See your doctor about medication as well if you feel you need it.
You are one of millions of single people who this is happened to. For whatever this man pulled a cold turkey on you. Perhaps he realized that you had expectations and he could offer nothing to offset that. Maybe he believed it when he said his marriage was over. Perhaps he felt you were getting too dependent on him, he might have feelings for you or was perhaps looking for something less complicated...someone who could accept a no strings relationship.
He could have done better than just sending you an email...kind of cruel. It might have been better if he had met up with you face to face and talked it through but that might have hurt even more.
Perhaps the way you are reacting towards this points to something else that needs to be addressed in your life. Why ,after avoiding a relationship for so many years, did you settle for a married person. Taking very good care of yourself, eating well, spending time with family and friends and perhaps seeking a good therapist will do wonders. Try to get physical exercise every day as this helps with grief and depression. I can feel your pain in you post. I wish you the best. It is hell right now but we, as humans are resilient. I hope love finds you again, someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (4 July 2009):
Hi there.
Ok...take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up. I, for one am not going to judge you for this situation. Sometimes in life,when we are vulnerable and alone we make decisions we would not make if we were grounded and sure of yourself. From your post, you fell into this situation because of neediness. You may have been missing the presence of a man in your life. Married men can be more charming, more seductive because they already have someone at home..this is not saying he did not care about you but in a sense he had less to lose.
Sounds like you are going through the stages of grieving. It could turn into clinical depression. You have a gaping emotional wound and you need to be proactive in terms of eating as best you can. See your doctor about medication as well if you feel you need it.
You are one of millions of single people who this is happened to. For whatever this man pulled a cold turkey on you. Perhaps he realized that you had expectations and he could offer nothing to offset that. Maybe he believed it when he said his marriage was over. Perhaps he felt you were getting too dependent on him, he might have feelings for you or was perhaps looking for something less complicated...someone who could accept a no strings relationship.
He could have done better than just sending you an email...kind of cruel. It might have been better if he had met up with you face to face and talked it through but that might have hurt even more.
Perhaps the way you are reacting towards this points to something else that needs to be addressed in your life. Why ,after avoiding a relationship for so many years, did you settle for a married person. Taking very good care of yourself, eating well, spending time with family and friends and perhaps seeking a good therapist will do wonders. Try to get physical exercise every day as this helps with grief and depression. I can feel your pain in you post. I wish you the best. It is hell right now but we, as humans are resilient. I hope love finds you again, someone who deserves you.
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