A
female
age
,
*uvinLife
writes:Today is Valentine's Day and I got a Valentine e-mail from the guy I've been dating for a year. I know things are tight, but come on...For Christmas, he asked what I wanted and I said I wanted charms for my bracelet. Guess what he got for me? Skin creams and lotions - wait, you say, that's a good gift. No, this is a brand that he uses that smells awful and I told him I don't like the brand or the smell and that I definitely did NOT want anything from this line of skin products. When I got home from work on Christmas Eve, he insisted that I open MY gifts from him (3 tiny bottles - like samples). I told him I didn't want to open the gifts until my son arrived to open gifts, but the dude kept insisting until I opened them. He couldn't believe I didn't like them and was hurt. I told him to take them back and I would get the charms I had told him about, but he said "No, I'll use them." He said he saved time Christmas shopping because the sales person called him and he NEVER goes into malls (lie, lie, lie.) This told me that he is selfish and is not respectful of me.Back to Valentine's Day...I was helping host a Valentine's conference Friday and I went to the wholesale florist right around the corner from my house and he went with me. He knew that he could go there and buy carnations for $.40 a stem. For me it's not the amount spent, but the thoughtfulness of the gift. I would have been thrilled with one carnation!!How do I dump this dude? I have never been very good at picking them and worse at getting rid of them. Am I being over critical??
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female
reader, Olivia(Y).  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 Some men arn't very good at picking gifts out but at least he tried to buy you something and at least he sent you a email on valintines day, its better than nothing isn't it.
Are you really going to ditch your boyfriend because you didn't like what he got you? Hes trying, i know its not what you want but at least hes thinking about you which shows he cares.
Olivia.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): He sounds tight to me. The bottom line is that if this behaviour is not good enough for you then get rid of him as men generally get more lazy as time goes on not less as they get complacent in a long term relationship. If he is doing this after a year I'm not sure it bodes well. Also, sending you an email card is pretty bad if you see each other all the time. I am 10,000 miles from my boyfriend at the moment (moving to be with him soon) and he drove to our favourite romantic spot in the city he is currently in, took a photo of it, drove back and emailed it to me with a loving message. I am not boasting but this cost him very little financially but the effort and thought meant everything to me. I think what you are saying is, that not only are the gifts undesirable, they are blatantly given with little thought or effort behind them. I don't think he is romantic enough for you from what you describe. I agree with the other posters - if this is a one off then maybe give him a bit longer. However don't spend the rest of your life compromising.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (15 February 2009):
wow you're telling me that because he is a rubbish gift buyer he should be dumped?
god some people are so shallow. it's not gifts that make a relationship work! you must be very materialistic! that's kinda of sad really. at least he tried to buy you something that you might like. i would be happy with whatever a guy brought me, cause it;s the thought that counts and the fact that he did go to the shops and try to buy something. shopping for most men is a nightmare and they are totally lost on what to buy women. so you should be happy that he got you something!
i think he would be better off without you. he deserves better!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 How is he the rest of the time? Some guys are bad at giving gifts. What is his attitude during dates? To live in general.
Is he frugal in all his dealings or just with gift giving to you? What is his disposable income?
Your story is far to limited, just two occasions both of which could just be explained by him being hopeless at gift giving (a common ailment among males) or unable to spot a clue (buying a flower at a flowershop on valentines day for the woman you are with) if it hits him in the face.
What is he like the rest of the time that make you to dump him? Are these two incidents just the last straw on a camels back?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): several thoughts - you haven't said anything about other things like going out and how he is etc. He might not be the expressive type.... (ok stating the obvious i know).
So tell him. Tell him he has to improve and he has week to buy you a proper present. If he doesn't, dump him.
to dump him - just give him back the presents and say because this is what i am worth to you and you actually want more.
Hugs Star.x.
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