A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for a year and a half after what I felt was a 'messy' break-up with a past boyfriend. When it ended, and for several months afterwards, I felt as if I had lost all of my confidence. I constantly thought people were only looking at me because I was ugly (note: whilst with my boyfriend and with the boyfriend before that and in between the breakup from the first boyfriend and meeting the second one - hope that makes sense - i had lots of guys look at me and smile - I had several guys after me at the time) I used to really worry about how I looked and what I wore after the second break-up. However, I don't think I worry so much about those things now.The problem is I feel confident when I'm out in the daytime and when I'm with friends, but whenever I go out on a night out with mates, I feel really self-conscious and feel really uncomfortable seeing guys and girls together (kissing, holding hands, etc). Am I kidding myself that I feel that I am okay on my own for now? Why do I only get self-conscious around 'couples'? I do want to find the right guy eventually but I didnt think I was in much of a rush right now - after the split, I landed my dream job working with children and I'm really enjoying it. But I can't get this guy out of my head! The horrible feelings only really surface when I'm around 'couples' and its worse when I'm near guys that look like my ex.Please help - how can I stop feeling uncomfortable around couples and make myself more confident? I am very bubbly around mates, but I go all shy and quiet when couples are around me. I never used to be like this. I just want the old bubbly, confident 'me' back!I was constantly bullied at school and college - although this did not stop me being loud and bubbly with my mates, I'm 19 and just want to stop feeling like this.
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Firstly, from what I can tell, your self confidence took one hell of a beating! You feel self consious around couples probably because it reminds you of what you had. You have been so used to having a guy on your arm that you dont know how to deal with not having one. This is very common and most people after a split feel this to an extent.
It seems that because you dont have a bloke on your arm, you feel that you "arent whole" and this is most likely what makes you feel this way!
Honestly it is normal. Your self confidence has taken a beating and you need to do something about it. Perhaps it is going out on a girls night out. No couples involved! The chances are because they are all "on their own" that you wont have that same feeling, and if that is the case, you can then say for certain that that is whats done it.
I have been there on many occasions. It feels like everyone is staring at you because you are there alone. Its like you're sitting having your dinner, alone whilst all the other tables are filled with couples. Not fun!
A few nights out with just the girls will do the trick. You'll soon see that the old bubbly self is back, and you'll start finding it easier to go out as a single person.
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