A
female
age
36-40,
*llieP
writes:I have been in an amazing relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend is perfect, supportive and 100% trustworthy.This weekend I got very drunk. I only remember the night up to a point but I will explain what I do remember and what I've been told. I remember feeling very flirtatious (which I have been like in the past when drunk.) I was chatting to a guy that I had met playing sport that day, I remember telling him that he should know that he is good looking (as he seemed very unconfident.) We danced and I remember grinding a lot. I spoke about my boyfriend to him but I remember when we danced he kept saying 'why do you have a boyfriend?' Like he wanted to kiss me.I don't remember anything after this but people the next day said that I was kissing him. At first I completely dismissed it thinking they must have been wrong, but it is seriously playing on my mind. Apparantly we sat in a corner all night (my legs turn to jelly when I'm very drunk.) I like to think that even in my extremely drunken state (I am not exaggerating when I say that I completely blacked out after the first part of the night) that I would be faithful to my boyfriend who I love so very much. However, I have sent the guy a facebook message to apologise if I put him in a bad situation and ask if I did kiss him- just for my peace of mind.I am so very wracked with guilt right now that I can hardly function. I want to wait to find out if I did kiss him then I will have to think if I should tell my bf or not. I am very concerned that incriminating photos may be posted on facebook.I understand that getting so very drunk was extremely foolish. I will never ever do that again, I know that for sure, if I had to give up drinking ever again to hold onto my bf I would do it.My question is- do you have any advice? Should I tell my bf or would it just be to unburden my guilt. (Of course it would be much worse if he found out from facebook photos.) Thank you in advance for your help.A very worried 22 year old.
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drunk, facebook, flirt, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EllieP +, writes (17 November 2011):
EllieP is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate- The guy messaged me back to confirm that we didn't kiss but that I was a tease. I apologised and thanked him for not pushing/letting it go further.
I told my boyfriend about the flirting and dancing and he forgave me. I feel this has been the reality check I needed- I thought I could lose my amazing bf over this so I have now vowed to drink less and stop craving male attention when drunk as no one compares to my lovely man.
I feel lucky to still have a strong relationship and I am more determined than ever to make it last.
Thank you all for your answers xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Take this for what it is worth to you, but you need to be much more worried about this than you probably realize.http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htmThat questionnaire is from Johns Hopkins, it is valid, and from just what you say you have at least 4 positive answers on this (family in your case includes your bf as family is broadly defined person or group).You are seriously affected by the intake of alcohol. If you had danced with a guy who was a bit different, you'd probably have been having sex with him by the end of the time. This happens all the time."not exaggerating when I say that I completely blacked out after the first part of the night"This is extremely worrisome. Not all recognized alcoholics are blackout drinkers, even when they drink extremely large amounts. Blackout drinkers have a particular response to alcohol, and when you have this response you cannot control your behavior, and are not even aware of your behavior except perhaps dimly later.Don't listen to your friends on this, take the questionnaire, answer it truthfully, then print it out and take it to your doctor.It is not safe for you to drink, probably not even in moderation, because your brain activity is affected from the first drink onward and you begin to lose control of impulses, etc. This can also happen to some people with antidepressants, anxiety medications, and other types of medications as well as other drugs, like marijuana.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (14 November 2011):
 if you are building a relationship on lies you will find very little trust between each other. you should come clean and confess to him. you say he is 100% trustworthy , if you start not being honest to him will he be able to say you are 100% trust worthy? what if he finds out from another source ? better to be honest and ask forgiveness , than to throw away what you have with him. besides you may feel guilt whenever you are with your b/f until you do confess to him.
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A
female
reader, TrinityHunter +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Sorry to disagree, but I think yu should tell him. Afterall he IS yur boyfriend and he deserves to know, and he shouldn't have to find out from others. Since yu have a close relationship with him, yu should definatly let him know.
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A
female
reader, EllieP +, writes (14 November 2011):
EllieP is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, the only way I think he would find out is if there are bad facebook photos. And I would much rather give him the whole story and show him how genuinely remorseful I am than he think I am hiding something from him.
I'm still waiting for the guy to reply to my message, if I didn't kiss him I won't tell my boyfriend. If I did I have a lot more to think about.
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