Drama in relationship, but should I have broken up with her??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Teenage, Troubled relationships

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Question - (30 April 2011)

5 Answers - (Newest, 29 May 2011)

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok we started out good first time. The first times were great and stuff but as the relationship went on things started to change. Our first argument was over her telling me I might not be the girl for her because she feels alive around other guys. She wanted me to change myself to suit her interests. Before this I saw her with a guy's pic who she claims to just be her friend picture in her top pocket one day. At first I pretended like it didn't bother me but then I told her it did. She wasn't pleased with that. I noticed in the week of the argument she had been avoiding and ignoring me. So thats when I asked her why the change in behavior and asked if she even cares about me anymore. Then she explained and told me what she said above. The next day after I thought I was an idiot to cry and agree with her so I cursed at her and made her cry. We apologized to each other afterwards but things were still funny.

The next week there was little interested until I admitted I was wrong (which I wasn't) to curse her, just for the sake of getting back with her. Then I told her that I can't wait for her to make up her mind if she still wants to be with me and she cussed me. Then later on she came back and admitted she been neglecting me and the relationship was back on course. Everything seemed fine but I noticed she had alot guy friends, too many. There was this particular one who had asked her to be with him but she turned him down because she was with me. I notice almost everytime he ran into her and i was there he would hold her in ways I found inappropriate (full body hugging). I wasn't so concern as to him doing it but was wondering how she would respond. She didn't do much of anything. We usually texted alot but when it came to talking to person its like she doesn't wanna even talk much. Yet she seems to enjoy herself alot in these convos with other guys. She found it hard to go out with me coming with dumb excuses but she could go with her best guy friend to the beach and this other guy friend to a basketball match together and these guy friends to a restaurant. We rarely went out and it was no fault on my part, I placed alot of effort into this relationship.

Even one time the guy friend who usually came to hug her up and stuff, while me and her were talking he just came and sat down beside her and held her hand. He was feeling up her hand and she was returning the favor. When I went to hold her hand afterwards she flashed it off quickly. I never said anything on this because she had a way of making it look like it was always because I was insecure. Then we had this lovely day on her birthday. I got her a gift and she got me a gift. Things seemed ok until she told me this guy kissed her while he was teasing her and they were on a bus. I was very upset with this. I didn't want to leave her so I planned to talk and set boundaries. But because she was being all guilty and emotional we just got together.

Things were back on track again until I was being asked by a variety of people if she and this guy friend of her were together now. Now these people know I'm her bf so I found it disturbing that they would keep asking me this question. So although things were going good I confronted her on the issue of respecting me. She threw out the stupid insecure excuse but I countered it by saying how she would feel if people was asking and thinking I'm with this girl I hang out with.She then promised she would respect me and stuff. Later on she was acting funny again and accused me of discussing the issue with her as not caring about her anymore. While discussing this she said its because I couldn't forgive her for kissing the guy on the bus that time. I was trying to solve the problem but it seemed like she just wanted to lash out and me so I say we're over. Next day we made up back and shes like shes giving me a week to deal with my problems. I like the idiot agreed that it was I with the problem. Then a week after back on track but I notice a lack of intimacy like kissing and stuff. We're just holding and whatever.

Now one day she was so called moody and lashed out on me. This isn't the first time. I was a little angry but I wouldn't make a big deal so I told her to just let us both go to our beds. Shes like I won't forgive about it and starts cussing me that I'm too sensitive. Of course I never added to the argument I was simply just saying lets just go to sleep. But then she started coming many disses and from her disses its obvious she still had a problem with me asking her to respect me the time. It was the last argument. The next day we meet up, she gives me the decision to leave her or not. I just took it. Then we argued and I admitted I longer to leave in a sense but didn't how to pull it off because I cared about her. But really I was tired of how close she moved with other guys, the way she always tried to control my convo with others, how difficult it was for us to just talk agree on something and if it didn't flow with her its a problem and making me always feel bad.

Not to mention remember the guy I said that would hold her certain way? She revealed to me he was just trying to make my jealous and she played along. What the hell?

Now that we're broken up and not talking I wonder if it was right to break up with her. But I don't feel so bad about it because I saw it coming.

She offered me friendship. She said she couldn't bear the tension that was left from it and that she still loves me. I turned it don't I don't want any memory of her. Was I right in doing all this.

View related questions: insecure, jealous, kissing, teasing, text

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A female reader, Annnia +, writes (29 May 2011):

My GOD: she has to look like a million dollar for you to actually stay in this relationship!!!!! Why did you date her in the first place? She seems like a bad person, doesnt deserve your attention, and let her go!!!!!!