A
female
age
41-50,
*adeliefie
writes:Dear CupidMe (28) and my boyfriend (30) have been together for a year and 6 months, of which we have been living together for a year. We are very happy together, respect, love and treasure each other and best of all we are best friends. I know that he feels the same and I feel much loved by him. You might think now, then why are you writing a question? Well this is indirect my question.We spoke about marriage and looked at rings 6 months ago and he even asked my parents for my hand about 3 months ago. I do not want to sound naive, but he convinced me that he is saving for the ring (he is a financial manager at a company and doesn't believe in unnecessary debt) I do know for a fact that we had allot of unexpected big expenses in the last 6 months and therefore it must have been difficult for him to save all along. What I am worried about is that our sex life has not been that great lately. We both have been under extreme stress and overall this has just been a very difficult year for both of us in other areas of our lives. I know all of this can lead to a low libido, which is why I try to initiate sex more often than usual. He does not always reject me, but more often that I feel is normal for a guy. I know he masturbates and that I found normal, he likes it in the shower in the morning (sorry for detail) but I noticed that this does not happen very often anymore though. Last night I caught him doing it in bed while I was still watching a movie in the lounge. This has never happened before as we normally go to bed together and I struggled to fall asleep and went to lie in front of the TV. As I said I understand men and women masturbate even in relationships, but last night I felt that he could have rather pursued me for pleasure. I honestly do not think that there is someone else, so that conclusion I ruled out.I am so sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with this one man, but is it possible that he has doubts and do not find me sexually attractive anymore or is this behaviour normal and do I only feel insecure as the engagement takes so long to happen?
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best friend, debt, insecure, libido, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Obviously this is an issue if it is bothering you. Anytime that a man whom you have previously been having sex with stops asking for it....THAT IS A RED FLAG. Men are very sexual and usually they want it. Even in some situations where they are tired and stressed. The fact he is maturbating however, may show he is not cheating...BUT...the fact he is not asking you for it Is NOT a good sign.
I am old fashioned and I believe living with a man before marriage always SLOWS down the proposal process. Most men are terrified of marriage...when you play wifey before he has asked, he may not see the need to make it official.Also Men need their own space sometimes and so do us women. It seems he is pulling away. Maybe he's having second thoughts about marriage...give him some space. Go out of town for a while. Let him miss you. This will either bring him closer or farther away. And if he leaves, its because he was going to leave in the first place and there's nothing you can do.
talking about it is a good option, but be careful not to be accusatory or put him on the defensive. If this continues..make plans to move out.
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