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female
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*auren426
writes: Im so unsure what I should do. My bf and I have been together for 1 1/2 yrs. I am so in love with him and he can be the sweetest, loving bf.. at times. He also can be someone totally different too. He talks down to me, says hurtful things on purpose, tries to change/control me, and other verbally abusive traits. His dad did the same to his mom so I dont think he realises that how he treats me sometimes is wrong. He tells me I'm crazy and that no other guy is going to put up with me. He is insecure I think but he doesn't need to be. I model and I also dance. I know that the dancing puts strain on a relationship but he's dated like 4 other dancers and is actually understanding when it comes to work. I love him so much that I've been trying to overlook all this b/c I'm not perfect either. Alcohol never helps either. I try to have mature conversations about our relationship and it never works. He ends up yelling and always turns everything around on me no matter what. He is 31 but immature. His parents are well off so he's never had to go "get a career" so he parties A LOT. I'm 21 and more mature for my age. We've been going back and forth lately, happy and good, then fighting and upset. If I do something wrong, then of course he's upset with me while I kiss ass. As soon as I tire of being extra nice and sweet and getting nothing back, he can tell Im about to give up, and then thats when he'll be nice. Ive been really debating on leaving him b/c Im not as happy as i should be. But b/c I do dance, I look at men differently. I have a hard time thinking about being w/ anyone else, b/c i think guys are just trying to get in my pants cause of work, etc. And even though he does these things, he's not most guys. My ex before him was perverted and always checked out girls, made comments, and all the other stuff guys do when girls arent around, brag, lie etc. Well he's not like that at all. His mom raised him to be sensitive and loving. So thats why its hard for me when I have an amazing boyfriend, and then I have a Mr Hyde. Sorry if this is long but heres the real dilemma.. I just found out I'm pregant. I always told myself I would never have an abortion b/c all I really want is to be a mom. I don't want a career; I want to stay home. I told him and I know he doesn't want me to have it but he said he'd be behind me 100% whatever I decide. He's not ready for this I know that, he cant take care of himself. I know I could do it, my mom did it 2 times but I just dont know if I can do it with him. We've talked about how cute it would be etc and I thought i'd be so happy. But now, when I'm losing hope in our relationship and see him not putting any effort in our relationship, nows when I'm pregnant?! I know an abortion is the smartest thing, but what if something happens and I can never have kids again? Plus I'm just getting back into modeling and look better than I ever have so do I ruin my body and pretty much seal my future? I dont know what to do. Please anyone, anything would help...
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female
reader, julls +, writes (16 December 2005):
Hi girl
This guy can be cute, fun and well off but one thing I learned from your letter is that he is looser and a womaniser. He is not responsible at all. we all know the consequences of having unprotected sex. how can he love and make you pregnant but not stop you from having an abortion. at his age, he should be a family man. He is not worth your love and time. by the way what are you doing with a man of his age? Dont you think you got alot of choices to choose from? Please do have the abortion. Its good that you are aware of the danger that abortion can do to you. What is done is done and we should at all time learn from it and not try to fix what can not be undone. Your mom was lucky but that does not mean you would too. Leave this looser and raise your kid with love and get a man who love you through thick and thin. A girl of your age are every man's target so stop waisting your time with this looser and get your life and career back on track.
Good luck
A
female
reader, kiwidew69 +, writes (13 December 2005):
O.k..well answer #1...you are worried about ruining your body...but you said you was 21 and mature...I am 22..and this doesn't sound too mature to me. I don't have any children myself btw. I have a friend who got an abortion and it left psychological effects on her. The pregnancy is to blame on your both.BUT If I was you ...and you loved this baby and actually wanted it...there is NO WAY it needs to be around a daddy like this...do you want to scar the child too??? No you dont!!!So please...this baby didn't do anything wrong... you did...not it....it desearves a chance at life!!!!You do too!!!Get away from this man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Good luck and God bless you hon
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