A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! ...I've found myself to be in a bit of a predicament and I'm hoping someone can help me out. This is going to be a long one but I'll try and shorten it as much as I'm able ....Okay, I'm a 27 year old woman. I was with my ex parter for a little over four and a half years. He's 30. We split up in June last year. Our relationship wasn't great. We argued over petty things and was constantly picking holes in one another.About two years into the relationship, I realized I wasn't in love with him. We didn't have a great deal in common and he wasn't really on my level. I also didn't find him sexually attractive anymore, even though we were still intimate, but usually only a couple of times a month. I stayed with him because I was content and comfortable at the time. Sometimes we had fun together and sometimes we constantly argued. I stayed because I liked being with him when we had fun. I knew he loved me but I felt he was a little controlling at times (I won't give specific examples of this as it wasn't all the time and I don't think he knew he was being controlling). When we finally split up, I felt free. I no longer had to tell anyone where I was going or who I was going with. I missed him, but I enjoyed my freedom. I've recently been on a few dates with a lovely man. We get on really well and we have lots in common. I only see him at weekends and I'm happy with this arrangement. We haven't been intimate yet but I feel we are leading up to it. However, my ex has been back in contact with me. He apologized for the way things were during our relationship and he said he's still in love with me. He said he's changed since losing "the best thing that ever happened to him" (his words, not mine!) and he'd really like to give things another try. I believe that he has changed and I know that he's made many positive changes in his life since we split. He's lost a little weight, he's got himself a better job and he's put a deposit down on a house. He says he'd never have asked me to get back with him if he hasn't changed as he doesn't want it to be like last time and that he'll do everything in his power to make me happy. He's asked me to consider going back. I now feel extremely guilty. I have been talking to him through text messages, just general conversation, asking how he's doing etc and I feel as if I've been leading him on which was not my intention at all.So I suppose this is my question: even though I really like the man I've been dating, I am torn between him and my ex. I do believe he's changed and I know a lot of people say that but I'm not a silly little girl, I'm a woman with my head screwed on. Do I give it another go with him even though I stopped finding him attractive sexually a couple of years ago? I don't feel IN love with him but I do love him. I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if we could be happy this time around or do you think I'm just feeling guilty? Opinions please guys!Thank you in advance
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): You really want to get back with someone who in your own words...
-Our relationship wasn't great
We argued over petty things and was constantly picking holes in one another
I wasn't in love with him
We didn't have a great deal in common and he wasn't really on my level
didn't find him sexually attractive
When we finally split up, I felt free
Really? that same guy? If you wont listen to yourself, nothing I can say will help!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 January 2015):
 I'd NOT go back with the ex. Good for him to have made changes, but that wasn't JUST for you, I BET you. It was for himself as well.
If you DO go back, you WILL end up in the same place at one point. You just CAN'T fake sexual attraction. IF you are a sexual person who ENJOYS sex and he just DOESN'T do it for you, you will after a while start wondering what else is out there, you will notice all the men you ARE attracted to and wish for more. Dating someone out of familiarity is like settling, for something that is OK, but not WOW!
You two tried it, it didn't last.
BUT this is something YOU have to decide for yourself.
If you do decide to stick with "new guy" DROP the contact 100% because it isn't fair on either guy.
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