A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short... Met a guy. Been hanging out as friends for 4 months. Really like him. He said he just wanted to be friends. Nothing happened. Stopped hanging out with him for like a month. Finally hung out with him again tonight. And he kissed me and admitted he really likes me but doesn't want to hurt me. I have been hurt a lot in the past. He says he would rather be friends than hurt me. But is emotionally and sexually attracted. But doesn't want to get involved. He really cares about me and has been struggling with himself about his feelings for me. Which I could tell this the whole time. But he confirmed it tonight. He's been a player in the past and admitted that to me. I have been hurt in the past and he knows. And that's why he is struggling with himself. What now???
View related questions:
player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
 he had told you what you want to hear.
he's also told you what you need to hear
he's a player
he wants to have sex
but he's never going to commit...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): He basically has told you what will happen if you two get together OP, you will get hurt. Attraction doesn't mean all that much when a guy knows for a fact he'll just never like you enough in that way to want to be with you in the way you want.
Now you can dream and hope all you want that maybe it'll turn out like Twilight and some sweeping orchestral score will mark the start of a beautiful romance but he has told you more than once that it's not going to happen, you have to believe him and ignore what your heart wants you to believe is possible.
He has told it's not.
That's the one thing I will never get about women, no matter how many times we tell you it can't happen you never believe us or you see it as some kind of romantic challenge. For some reason you'd rather ignore what we say and read into little signs and hope we'll come around.
I mean he's made it very clear to you that he doesn't want you in any kind of serious way, that he'd love to stick it in you because you're hot but that's it and he's actually been nice enough to be clear about that from the start. Now the more you throw yourself in face and hand yourself to him on a plate the more likely he will end up boning you and the more likely you'll just keep getting the wrong idea and think that's a sign he's ready to be with you.
OP the only thing he's struggling with is that. A woman who really likes him that is ripe for the taking, and can be easily gotten (I mean no disrespect, but it wouldn't take much for him to play you seeing as you're ignoring what he's said) and whether he should take you or not knowing that you'll get hurt.
I've been in this situation OP and even though I told those women they'd get hurt, they persisted in their hopes and dreams until all my good intentions went out the window and it went from a kiss to a full blown sexual relationship, until the time they wanted the 'where are we going with this' talk and they were very hurt, very confused and very angry that what I'd told them at the start was still true. I don't feel bad about that in the slightest, I warned them, made it very clear and they're the ones who got hurt for not believing me and continuing to pursue me. Persistence paid off but not in the way they wanted.
You can either be the same or you can be one of the women who listen and do what you have to to protect yourself from a guy who said he will hurt you.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I totally agree with Honeypie. I also think you need to be very wary of this guy, especially if you want to avoid being hurt again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I think you need to step back and look at this guy again. He says ONE thing .. I don't want to hurt you but his actions tells another story.
Seems to me like he is reeling/grooming you into a FWB that he hopes you will think is all your idea. He tells you he is emotionally and sexually attracted - so he likes to feel wanted by you and he wants (sexually) to be with you.
BUT the guy REALLY doesn't want a relationship.
It's REAL hard to be friends if there is that much sexual energy going around.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): He is being honest and you will get hurt if he cant trust himself, how do u trust him.
...............................
|
