A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really bothered with my boyfriend, cause I really don’t know if I can take his word or not anymore, he told me that I can stay over the weekend in his apartment in the city, in fact, he has said it many times, the times I have traveled to see him which is just a few, I go for a day and then he brings me back the same day, cause he studies here in the town that I live so when he comes here we see each other, so I did not feel the need to go and see him on the weekends (since he already comes here from Monday to Friday)So yesterday I said to myself ' I'm going to take his word and text him to stay that I want to stay over this weekend’.So I texted him yesterday at 5:46 pm and told him: ‘Hey Hun, I want to go over tomorrow and stay over this weekend, Are you doing something? and he replied super late at 8:35 just saying ” I'm coming next week’. Honestly, I got so mad I did not reply back anything, So I don’t understand why wouldn't he tell me the reason why I could not go? it’s the weekend, plus I have not gone to his place for a super long time, I get he is a super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream literally. But to me, this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there, or something shady is going on, so I don't know if I Should just break up with him and get it over with, or talk to him when he comes this week straight and clear?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): Yeah, I think given your update...
If anyone saw my mess and called me "pig" over it, I would be pretty damn angry with them and for sure not want them to come back again if I hadn't cleaned up!
If you stay together you are going to have to learn not to shame him for his flaws like that...you CAN ask someone to work on themselves without calling them names, and that is just going to make him act shady and hide his real self.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Well it is obvious you are not happy in this relationship. You have no trust for him at all, it is clear the first thing you think is he has another women when there could be 1000 different reasons why he does not want you over. Instead off just asking him you automatically think he is unfaithful. What is this relationship like when you are together? How does he treat you? What makes you think he would be unfaithful? Honestly it doesn't sound to me like you are happy with him at all, so maybe you should end it and get with someone you trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): You seem like you have had it with him. You are very angry at him.If you do not trust him, maybe it is best to let him go? Does he bring out the BEST in you or the WORST in you?How long have you been together?Has he given you any other reason to be suspicious of him? Has he disappointed you before? Does he keep disappointing you?I highly suggest surprising him at his place one weekend. This will put your mind at ease. Either way, you will know and deal with whatever the outcome is. Honestly, based on what you have said, it is not enough evidence to indicate he is cheating. You may be misdirecting your anger. Cheating could certainly explain his actions but there are other possibilities. If you belittle him so much about his being a pig, then maybe he does not want you to come around to his place. It may still be a big mess. And he has not gotten around to cleaning it.Also, are you a nag? Are you constantly complaining about something? Are you trying to change him? Are you like his mommy at all? Because this is not a good thing either. You may need to let up on him. Men hate nags. And will pull away. He is an adult. And it is up to him how he lives and how he keeps his apartment. He knows how you feel by now. It does not make sense to keep ragging on him about it. You will not change him. He has to want to do it himself. In his own time.So, first, if you want to silence your cheating concerns, then by all means, show up unannounced. This is the best way. Secondly, try to let up on him a little. Nagging pushes men away. You are talking to a brick wall. They tune you out after awhile. And, please refrain from calling him a pig and such names.He knows for sure you are mad at him because you are ignoring him and being passive aggressive. Sorry, but that does not solve a thing. It is just immature. You cannot bully or manipulate somebody into behaving the way you want them to. You must accept them as they are. Or not accept them at all.I do think you need to have a talk with him though. Be honest and behave maturely.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): This really doesn't mean he's up to anything, you're looking for somewhere to focus your anger over the rejection.
Of course, I'm not saying he is innocent, but you're assuming the worst over a late response to your message and him not jumping up and down for joy when you asked if you could stay.
Ask him why he didn't accept and tell him you're hurt because you thought he'd be excited. Don't give him the cold shoulder during the next visit, though, as this would just make things worse- talk to him about it, see where it goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Yeah,it would have been a great idea to show up and see what he is really up to-, to me is weird, since I have seen his messy place the other times that I have gone there, that's not new to me, the problem is that I have told him in his face that he is a pig, and that he needs to clean up and be more hygienic, maybe he feels embarrassed of all the times that I have told him.or simply did not feel like cleaning, or caught him of guard since I have not gone to his apt for a very long time!God knows.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): Yes, it COULD be another woman, but it COULD also be a number of other things, such as him not wanting you to see his very messy place, him wanting time to study before returning to school the following week, him being tired....etc. Yes I would have been very annoyed like you if he didn't give a reason as to why he did not want you to come over. However, I wouldn't have just ghosted him, I would have asked him directly for an answer, saying "so you don't want me to come? Why not?" Don't have the convo by text, call him up and ask him about his behaviour, and what the reason was?You could always just drive down and "surprise" him one of these nights without warning if you are truly suspicious. Yes his inability to offer an excuse raises a red flag, but perhaps he is just a very bad communicator. Feel the situation out...
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