A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This BOND that apparently bestows everyone, especially women, during sex, the one that does not allow them to freely participate in casual, (and safe, of course) sexual endeavors - does it still count if you are a woman who hardly ever climaxes in the presence of men?Is the bond experienced after sex a result of orgasm or a result of engaging in sex with someone in general?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): I love this question?First of all, you seem to doubt its existence (maybe because you haven't experienced it?)It does exist! But it depends on what meaning you put on the word "bond"-for example there is a bond between mother and child, between friends etc. etc."A uniting force or tie"-one of the definitions, that's what we are talking about. It's essentially a link, it does NOT mean the link will last longer than the intercourse itself etc. just that is there for a bit.It's also interpreted as "joining things together", so a certain level of chemistry/attraction needs to exist in the first place otherwise,I'm sure you'll agree, no "joining" anything together would take place!!What I'm referring to of course, it's the release of chemicals such as dopamine (happiness), oxytocin (attraction) etc. etc. in the brain.We do NOT fully understand it yet and there are many factors at play. One resource (which I believe is fairly reliable?)-http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20131125/how-the-love-hormone-works-its-magicNow that you know their names, you can research it and find plenty of information on-line.I'd recommend you stick to reputable sources, such as on-line psychological papers (many famous unis have published research in the area) and on-line magazines such as New scientist, for example.The "bond" is created at SEVERAL levels- sexual, psychological etc.NOW, I want to make one point clear-we are generalising here and what applies in general may not apply to your specific case.Taking in account your case, I can reassure you that you are certainly NOT the only woman to NOT "catch feelings" during sex. For me as well,it's more like covering a basic need, such as when you're hungry you go to the kitchen and eat. As simple as that.But yeah,we were biologically predisposed to develop feelings, to have this kick/biological baby clock etc. etc. is in there to ensure that we would procreate. If we didn't, we would have been extinct a while ago...For me, in order to create a "bond" I must really like the guy+ he needs to be nice etc. etc. Just having sex with him would solve the "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" issue, but not the "love" issue.So,no worries, if you think you can (safely) engage in sexual intercourse with a man plus not get attached-you probably can. It's a highly individual thing.As to you not being able to climax (you specifically stated "in the presence of men"-I assume that means you can climax on your own?)Well,reduce their number from "men" to a "man",so that you can RELAX in his presence and then ask him to start it off with cunnilingus. That should help. Oh,also if he's a good lover:http://mytinysecrets.com/4-steps-how-to-get-a-nipple-orgasm/ and http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sex-why-foreplay-matters-especially-for-womenMost of all,relax, you're fairly young. You learn more about yourself as you get older. Don't push yourself to do things you're not happy with just "coz everyone else is doing it". Just do what feels right for you.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 May 2015):
As "Janniepeg" stated "I would think it exists even without orgasms."
The bond begins when man gives you everything you cannot buy in a store...Love, respect, affection, attention, and so on. This what makes sex for a woman even better. When her heart and mind are at peace, and the man treats her as she is the only woman in the world for him. The stronger that affection, the deeper the sensuality when it come to pleasure. She gets just as turned on pleasing such a man, and she enjoys him pleasing her.
The after sex is the part where that bond truly shines. When you are both smiling and giggling like kids in a candy store.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (26 May 2015):
 I would think it exists even without orgasms. Many women never know what an orgasm is yet they remain with their husbands for a long time. They can't achieve orgasms without clitoral stimulation at the same time. Orgasms are separate from bonding because we masturbate alone and it is just a release. People can develop a bong through repeated contact and by kissing, hugging and touching. Sex with or without orgasm is just one of those intimate acts. Although I think some women can truly engage in casual sex without feeling much, when they tell themselves it is strictly casual and to not expect anything serious.
Men bond through sex too, the ones who are ready for relationships. Even those who are in it for casual find themselves catching feelings too. It's just that women mature emotionally faster than men and they are supposedly to be the caring, nurturing ones that we say they are more likely to bond after sex.
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