A
male
age
51-59,
*eordie08
writes:Hi all hope someone can help,I have been living with my partner now for 3 years and we have a beautiful baby boy. We have our ups and downs like any other couple that are in love.My problem is her daughter, she is 16 and I am 34 but look in my mid 20s and I am positive she has a thing for me. There is so much tension between us it is causing great stress for everyone in the house. I am normally a very good judge of character but am totally confused and do not want to confront her.Can anyone give me some advice on how i should approach this and what signs I should be looking out for so I can compare them with what I already know.Thank you all. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I think this is actually a good thing that your partner's daughter may have a thing for you. There are a lot of guys who would like to be in that situation.
Ther reason I say it's a good thing is that if she does have a thing for y ou, she will always have some kind of loving feelings toward you, and even if they're sexually based, I think it would still be good because you could have a close relationship wtih her (just as long as it doesn't lead to sex). You could be like her substitute father.
But I think it was a bad idea for you to come out and ask her outright if she has a thing for you. That probably embarrassed her, and made her feel rejected. So that is why she's being distant.
What I would suggest is to apologize to her for bringing it up and saying it was probably just your imagination that she has a thing for you. Then maybe buy her a nice gift, something small that you know she would really like or something she's been wanting.
When she gets close to you when her mom's not around, touch or pat her on the arm or hand or her back or shoulder. Show her some fatherly type of love, and be like a protector for her. On days she dresses really nice, tell her she looks pretty or even beautiful. Try and establish a good friendship with her, and stop worrying about the attraction she may have for you. It may be nothing more than a teenage crush, so don't try and make a federal case over it. Tell her she's a sweet beautiful young woman and she's going to make a great wife and mother someday. You want to erase the tension that you said exists in your household.
Try and patch things up with her soon and don't let this thing summer. It will only increase the tension there is now.
Finally, I am somewhat jealous of you because you are living every man's fantasy -- living with a beautiful woman your age and her sexy teenage daughter, who happens to have a thing for you. I admit I've had a fantasy about having a three-way sexual relationship with a hot mom and her younger daughter (as long as the daughter is of legal age). So take this girl's infatuation with you as a compliment and just enjoy it for what it probably is, a harmless teenage crush.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Does your stepdaughter still stare at you and try to get physically close to you when her mom's not around? And does she touch you on the arm or back or other places like that when she's close to you? If so, that would be a sure fire way to tell that she's physically attracted to you. Also, what are some of things she talks to you about that a girl would talk to her mom about? I didn't understand what you meant by that exactly.
Actually, I think this kind of thing is somewhat common. Men in their late 20s and early 30s are very attractive to teenage girls, and I've read a lot about girls who had the hots for their stepdads. It sounds like you are handling it well, so best of luck to you.
Hopefully she will grow out of this before she starts to get older because if she still has this attraction to you when she's in her 20s, she might start to become more brazen about it because her sex drive will be stronger and she might make it very hard for you to resist her.
...............................
A
male
reader, geordie08 +, writes (26 March 2008):
geordie08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for the replies, except for the one saying I should take advantage of the situation.My partner did not say anything to her, well to my knowledge anyway. I came out and asked her outright but she just fobbed off the question and started talking about what was on the tele but at least she now knows I am suspicious of something. She has been keeping her distance from me but I do not want us to be distant as it will cause even more friction in the house.I guess I will just see how it goes and when she gets a boyfriend she will most likely look back and laugh.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): wow, personally i would take advantage of it if i was 18 and was single. if not, its forbidden fruit and tread lightly.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): A lot of men in your situation would take advantage of it, but then that would destroy your marriage. But it sounds like your stepdaughter finds you attractive because you look like you are in your 20s, and she is only 16. So she may look at you as a hot older guy. I would not ignore her, however. That could make her feel bad. What she's going through is somewhat normal, as it may just be teenage crush. I would say be nice and loving to her, and don't be curt or give her the brush off. But if she makes any type of sexual advances toward you, stop her ask her what she is doing and why, and talk to her about how she feels about you, and try to explain to her that it is better to a relationship with a boy her own age.
Also, do you know what your wife said to her daughter about this issue? How did her daughter react to it? And how has she been acting toward you since your wife had the talk with her?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Thanks for the update.
With that further information, I was thinking it sounds like she is trying to be the 'women' of the house when your alone. She may be trying to see if she can seduce you. I don't mean this in a slutty way or cheap, and she may not even really know. But it sounds like she is wanting to know she is attractive etc, at her age it makes sense. She see's you as the most likely 'tester' if you like. So it may be a good idea for you guys to now start encouraging her to have friends around, parties - getting her more involved with her peers, and hopefully boys. I think once she gets some attention from guys at her age, who are obtainable, then her interest in you will dissappear. She is trying to be grown up. Perhaps the guys of her age are a little more immature than her? In any case
she needs to start a budding social life.
Just some further thoughts! I am glad your wife knows and keep her informed at all times!
...............................
A
male
reader, geordie08 +, writes (19 March 2008):
geordie08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI,Thanks for all the replies,I have told her mum as I believe she needs to know how I am feeling and we are a very loving and cuddly couple so if that does not put the message out then I do not know what will. I have done so much to discourage her daughter in the way of completely ignoring her (which is not nice) and it is at the point where I wont even look at her when I am speaking to her. Maybe it is because I am very young acting but then that is me so why change that?The signs are for example: she will just sit and stare at me and even her mum has commented on this, when her mum is not around she is always quick to jump on the settee next to me and some of the stuff she talks about is stuff you talk to your mum about if you know what I mean. She is a very sensible girl in the way she has a job, at college, she dresses like an adult, she doesnt drink, smoke, hang around on street corners etc and does not fall into the stereotypical 16 year old girl catagory and maybe that could be a reason. Maybe it is me acting so young I just dont know and now I am probably babbling on.Again thanks all answers give me a little more insight on how to deal with it and maybe I will just come out with it and ask her.
...............................
A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 You be the adult, she is a child. Stay away from her. Show your partner a lot of affection in front of her... if she has a crush on you, she will get the message.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): It could be that she has a crush on you. You don't mention that the tension is the sort of tension created through a conflict relationship, so I am assuming is is more an awkwardness which could indicate she has a crush. Or it may be she has something she is not happy or comfortable about with you.
Teenage girls are just that, teenages. It concerns me that you may consider she has a thing for you. And that you are making the comment that you look young for your age. I felt slightly uneasy at those comments. It implied to me, rightly or wrongly, that you had an interest perhaps or that you consider yourself a possibility for her in that way. That is of concern. Why would you consider she may have a thing for you. Is there a possibility that some of the tension is coming from you?
I have a gut instinct that this may be something which could end in disaster. Remember, she is a child, the daughter of your partner and stepsister to your son. If she has a crush, she needs to be discouraged. You need to pay an awful lot of attention to her mother, in front of her. You also need to not be attentive and complimentary. Gaurd yourself and words very carefully.
Other aunts will I am sure have great advice. The one thing I am not sure about is whether you should tell her mother. Something needs to happen and handled correctly. It may pass, but at her age, she will be a drongo!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): it might be easier if u tell us what signs shes giving that she likes you and then we can give our opinions? also is the tension because ur partner suspects her daughter has a thing for u too?
...............................
|
