A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I ended things with my ex over a year ago, it was hard and hurt me, but I had to becasue he wouldn't commit to me, in the way I wanted him to. He wasn't happy, and asked if we could jsut carry on etc, etc, I couldn't do it, even though I still felt for him. We agreed to be friends. He got a new girlfriend, who he has been with for a year now, when he told me, I didn't get upset and ugly with him or about her, i was nice, even though isnide I was devastated.She is 26, she has an 8 yeard old child from some other man, and she is of a lower class,I am younger, no children, on the same level class wise etc as him, but he commits to her, for a year????During the course of all of this and us trying to maintain a friendship, there have been ups and downs, and we have had fights and I have tried to cut him off, but somehow we always land up finding our way back into each others lives. We go for periods where our "Friendship" is platonic and friendly, but not too personal, then somehow it shifts, and our conversations get onto he and I, and we end up admitting we still want each other, this has happened more times than I can tell you!!!I have told him, I won't consider anything with him, while he stays with her, i won't be one of those females. He won't leave her, but just last week, he admitted to me, he wants me and her, and i told him, he can't have both!!! He claims it is complicated, it is not just him and her, what about her child. I told him the child is not his, it is not his responsibility etc, but he says, he is not just hurting her, he is hurting two of them!!!And he is confused.And he said last week, at the moment, he can notcomplain about her, becasue she has been really nice lately???!?!?!?!I still feel for him, obviously, that is clear, but I don't know what is wrong with him??Why after a year, does he still need me, in his life, and why does he still want me???Is it just sex???And if so, why, when he has a girlfriend who he can get it from whenever he likes???Or he is the proverbial, wants his cake and wants to eat it too???I am at the point where I am going to get rid of him from my life forever??What does he want????
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female
reader, laydee_clio  +, writes (2 February 2009):
Your question should be what do you want.... As much as it hurts, you should focus on your own needs and if he doesn't meet them, someone else will....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): So he defintiley wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think sometimes guess will commit to someone who's standards are up to par with your's, meaning that she's an easy girlfriend that won't expect a lot out of him. If she's not on your level then she'll probably put up with crap and other b/s that you won't and he knows that so why not take teh easy way out with her. He still wants you in his life i think because he probably does truly still have feelings for you. He may have also grown feelings for her as well and is content with how their relationship is right now which is why there's that uncertainty about leaving, (i highly doubt its over the 8yr old kid that isn't his). I think the best thing for you to do would be to take a break from him permanently or at least until your feelings aren't as strong for him so it doesn't weigh down your heart so much when/if you do try to keep the friendship. If he's a good friend he'd understand that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Could I just ask what the social class has to do with love relationships????
I hope you're writing these obscenities just because you're a little bit sad and not because you really believe it.
However I do not think he loves neither you nor the other one. He is just not mature yet!!! You can wait for him to grow up or simply start to live by your self.
Honestly run as far as you can! You should desire more for yourself and…. Please stop thinking that social class really matters!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Thank you for your response to my question!!
I appreciate it, and what you have to say, and I do know that you are right, and I know the solution to my problem,
And I know I have no real room to complain, when I am the one keeping myself in the situation!!!
However, how do I cut him out, just like that?
I have tried before, as I mentioned, but we find our way back somehow.
This is someone who for the past two and a half years has been a consistent part of my life, and who I have had contact and conversation with just about everyday, for those two and a half years, with the exception of the couple of months, that I cut him off.
Why can't he just leave me alone, if I am not what he wants, becasue I have tried to get rid of him, I truly have tried?
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A
female
reader, Intimate Answers +, writes (16 October 2008):
 You seem to already honestly know the ultimate answer to your question - I just don't think you LIKE the answer...I'm so sorry to tell you that although you many not like it - the answer cannot be ignored.You seem to have a healthy self-esteem and understand that you are worth more than a secondary fling while he still remains with his new girl. You deserve to be your male counterpart's PRIORITY not left overs! Do not relax your standards at all. Hold your head up high and keep your dignity at all times. Since his request of 'just carrying on' is not a situation that works for you - you need to preserve your heart and body for someone who will put you AND ONLY YOU first. If he is not satisfied with his new girl's 'lovin' - this is not your problem. Do not allow yourself to be used.You sound like a SMART young lady - ACT ON THAT and let him know that regardless of your feelings, you will not be anyone's "SLOPPY SECONDS"! Release your self from this situation to find the love that you deserve.MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS!-INTIMATE ANSWERS
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