A
female
age
36-40,
*lancyjen
writes:I need some advice on my status with my brother's roommate, who I increasingly suspect might be interested in me, but has yet to make any moves. I am a little hesitant myself with the fact that he's my brother's roommate and if we did date, I would be making my brother uncomfortable with the whole situation. Ages ago, my brother and I were chatting and I jokingly told him to set me up with all his single friends so I could find myself a husband. He laughed and said none of his friends were good enough for me, and he was sure I could do much better. I said, even your roommate? And he replied that his roommate was very popular with the ladies, but he wasn't very nice to them, which was probably why he was still single. When I asked him to expand on that comment, he said that the roommate didn't really respect their feelings and usually gave him the boot after a short amount of time.I just spent a week visiting my brother, who lives three hours away from me. I get along quite well with his roommate, and until recently I have never really had any romantic interest in him. On one of my previous visits though, I offered to give him a ride home to his parents' house about an hour and a half away because he was unable to get a bus ticket. My brother didn't feel like going, so it was just the two of us. We talked the entire way there, and even though I had been dreading the long car ride alone with him (we'd never really hung out alone before and I thought there would be a lot of awkward silence), I was actually sad when we got to his destination and I had to say goodbye. Ever since then, things have been different, and I get the impression that maybe his feelings for me have changed as well. The last time I visited just before New Year's, I got a little bit of a flirty vibe from him, but he's friendly/flirty to everyone, so I just figured he was being nice, and I am definitely not his usual "type" (he likes them blonde and thin, and I am very curvy and brunette). When I left for home at the end of my visit, he came to me privately and told me that I could visit anytime I wanted, the more frequent the better. And this time while I was visiting, something was definitely different. When he came home from work on Monday (the day I arrived), he came into the room where I was taking a rest after the long drive and greets me by saying hey baby. Just, very casually, and then he left to go hang out with a friend from work. I don't know if he said hello like that to impress his friend who was waiting for him in the other room, or not. Tuesday my brother, his roommate and I went grocery shopping, and I made them dinner. He came into the kitchen where I was standing at the sink washing up, and he leaned right into me to put his glass in the sink, when he could just as easily have left it on the counter, and then he thanked me for dinner and went out with some friends. Wednesday rolls along, and he had a class, so I really didn't see him very much. When he came home, he had brought me some hot tea (I am a tea fanatic), but didn't bring anything for my brother. I made dinner again, and he raved about how good it was, and then we all had a quiet evening watching some TV and the guys playing video games. Thursday morning he and I were relaxing in the den and he says- hey let's go out for lunch. So I said yeah sounds good, and I went to get ready. He questioned whether I should wake my brother to see if he wanted to come and get something to eat, which I did, and of course my brother said no because he wanted to go back to sleep. It had snowed the night before, so he cleaned off my car for me and let me get in and stay warm. When we get to the restaurant, he opens the door for me, holds out my chair, ORDERS for me (no man has ever done that for me- that caught me a little off guard, but it was very sweet), and pays for me. We had a really great conversation, deep and personal stuff about family and life. Then we went and picked up some movies to watch later in the week (he let me pick), did a little shopping and then went home. When my brother got up (he sleeps really late!), he let me know that he was going out that night with friends, so I would be fending for myself, which was fine. I assumed his roommate would be going out too, so I figured I would just relax a little by myself. Then his roommate got several phone calls from friends to go out, and he turned them all down saying he had plans. Well it turns out watching movies and cooking dinner together just the 2 of us were his plans. The way it all played out seemed like a date to me, with us lounging on the couch together in the dark watching a movie, but I don't know! He certainly didn't try anything with me, but the whole night had a very romantic tone to it. Friday he had classes in the afternoon, so we hung out a little in the morning while my brother was asleep, and then we met him at a sandwich shop that night and had dinner with him. He seemed to be staring at me quite a bit, but all that did was make me jittery with nerves and I hardly ate. The rest of the evening was very relaxed with the three of us hanging out at home until his roommate had to go to work (the night shift).I couldn't sleep a wink on Friday night, and my brother wasn't awake yet the next morning, so I was just packing my things for later that day. His roommate came home at this point, and we sat and talked a little, until he was ready to get some sleep, after having worked a 10 hour night shift. He went and got ready for bed and then came out of his room and gave a speech about how he didn't want to miss saying goodbye in case I was gone when he woke up, how wonderful it was to have me visit and how wonderful my cooking was and how wonderful it was to hang out with me. He is normally very articulate, but he said wonderful literally 20 times in 2 minutes while describing my visit.The visit has left me very unsure of where we stand with each other. Does he seem into me, or was he just being nice? He doesn't have my email address, and we're not on each other's Facebook, and because I visit so infrequently (once every 2 months or so), it's not like we talk on a regular basis. He's never asked for my email or cell or anything like that. Should I be the one to reach out and add him on Facebook to stay in touch, or just wait to see if he reaches out to me? And should I talk to my brother again about him, or just wait and see if anything happens, and deal with it if the time ever comes? Thank you to anyone who can offer me some guidance. Any input is greatly appreciated. Jen
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Definitely ad him on facebook! it'll give you a better chance to get to know him and will open up moe possiblities. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): if i were you i would try to make a subtle gesture to show that you like him...flirt a little..the worst that could happen is nothing...it seems like he might just be into you but don't forget what your brother said...in the end siblings will watch out for you...maybe even bring the subject up with your brother again in a non-joking way...best of luck!
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