A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been through heaps with my partner. The breakdown of his marriage, depression, lack of libido from him and more than you can imagine. Tonight he really upset me. We were talking about a woman who lives nearby and he said how she jogs around our village and asked me if I knew whether she is married to a black man (as she is also black). I said not, her husband looks in his forties with iron grey hair etc. He said how young she looks. Then he said did I mean that if he lost a couple of stone, that he could be with a younger woman too? I got really upset. He then shouted at me telling me it is the time of the month when I go like this and he is sick of it. I feel he was horrible and made me feel bad. He implies that I am being crazy to be so upset. I feel gutted, as though if he were lighter I would no longer be good enough for him.. Am I crazy to be so upset? I feel as though I must be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually he may have a point, up to a point, about the hormones. However, I have been trying to help him overcome suicidal feelings related to bad relationships with his daughters from his previous marriage (who are adults) and depression. He gave everything away to his wife and gave in to blackmail from daughters. Things have improved with his daughters now and I have met one. The trip went fine. The second is coming over and she also has bad mental health issues. Not exaggerating, the sort of bad that can make you feel unsafe. I am pleased for him, but feel vulnerable and am worried about my home life and my son who is still little. I think the strain plus all other factors caused me to pop. Thank you for all your help. I will talk to him in a few days.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Got to agree with the first poster, men and women talk differently.
He is a bit insensitive, you are tad over-sensitive. Either make it work or be alone for the rest of your life, that is BOTH of you.
I get the feeling you two really haven't been connecting with each other lately, just been living your life and forgetting that love is something that you got to work at every day of the year.
Maybe you two just need to remember why you two are together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I am very aware of this issue of ageing. He knows that. Usually he tells me he loves me an awful lot. I have issues with not being good enough, I caught him masturbating over porn last year and it upset me as well so I went for counselling because I smashed some plates, slapped him and generally had a fit. I have never hit a person before!. On his way back to this country he went to a disco with his brother and chatted to the prostitutes there. He said nothing happened. I have no reason to think otherwise as everyone tells me he loves me very much. I see it most of the time, but sometimes wonder whether he is too much the typical male. I get so sick of this feeling that I sometimes would rather be alone rather than find myself facing these challenges. My little boy loves him. I thought I was much better but one touch paper I have is to do with this issue of being enough. I am not tough about it at all. His last partner was supposedly beautiful and he decided to be with me, but I feel that his friends and family compare me with her. I know I should not compare myself. I wanted to get some treatments !!(I am 46 and look quite good for myself) for my wrinkles in fact am upset by the whole ageing thing) but have put that aside because we need to invest in our home. Let's just say that of all the things he could say this one really got me. It confirmed to me that if he was such and such, if only, he could be with a person who was such and such. Younger basically. And it is one thing I can't do anything about. It seems so typical of a man that he might say what flits through his head even though it may be hurtful. I just can't imagine saying something like that back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): RELAX, take a deep breath; and blow out;
do it again.....I mean it; take a deep breath...inhale....hold it a few seconds .....then blow out;
You are very tensed and vow.....first relax;
Unless you have any other reason to think that this guy wants to dump you; from what I have read....vow....again; do the breating exercises...otherwise you wil get upset with me;
I think from what I read; he menat it very innocently; yes, I understand how you interpret it; BUT, honestly, I think he was merely "kidding".
I suggest you do not take it so personal; unless of course there are other issues that I am not aware of;
I suggest you should laugh it off; tell him vow, yeah , play along; don't we all like our ego's boost at times!
As I say, my opinion is based on what I read in your posting; if there are other issues that have contributed to your reaction and feeling; please advise us; we cannot help you or try to assist you if we don't have the info;
Make up and enjoy!
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 HOney
I would just tell him ...
" Well, maybe if you loose 20pounds you could get some young ass ... for me? I can get another man anytime I want without loosing weight or changing myself!!!!!!!!"
Show him you are stronger and faster in shooting than he is!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): heyaaa!No, you are not crazy to feel like this. To be fair us women wear our hearts on our sleeves and men speak without thinking. i think, he was just trying to make himself feel better with the weight issue. Guys are full of themselfs and most often the speak pure rubbish! they dont understand how their words can hurt us, and then blame it on our menstrual cycle! how dare they!? seriously, im sure he loves you very much, he knows that youve been with him through his good times and bad.but, if you are not happy in general with your marriage you need to sit down and have some 'me' time, and figure out what you want from your relationship. probably because you have been together for a fair few years (im persuming) you may have gotten tooo comfortable with each other. there maybe be nothing new for both of you. maybe, you should enroll ons ome courses that intrest you, meet some fresh people in the evenings, ignore him abit, and if you pick up after him, stop for a while. let him miss you abit. i reckon you just need to be apprciated. also, next time, tell him you too, could get a hunky young man with a nicley toned body! see what he says then. men can be very pathetic. love and god blessfriendp.s, maybe you should try and sit down and discuss how you guys are going. plan stufff together. adventures! life is all about adventures! :)
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