A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Over the past few years I’ve developed strong feelings for a friend of mine. We originally met over the internet, but we’ve met up a few times since, sometimes I go to see him, and sometimes he comes to see me. Every time we meet up, we act like we’re a couple, hold hands, hug, kiss, snuggle up, and we have had sex. He also takes me out for drinks and meals, and never likes me to pay for anything – what a gentleman!I know acting like a couple is very different from actually being a couple. He’s always the one that initiates everything, ‘because I never want to seem ‘too into him’, just in case I scare him off. When I’m with him, I don’t think I ever get hugged and kissed so much in my life!!We usually talk through messages on Facebook, and we’re usually really flirty, and some of the things we say to each other can be quite sweet, sometimes he calls me his… amongst other things. He always makes me so happy when I talk to him. We have been talking for quite a few years, and I know he’s had girlfriends and stuff, but he always stays the same with me through his messages. I was offered a new job with a marketing company, which happened to be nearer him... about 40 miles away (hour by car), and not long after I moved down, he came to see me.. and the same happened again – we acted like a couple. The thing is, I really don’t know what to do about him. I’ve developed such strong feelings for him, and I really want to be with him.However, I remember a conversation with him about long distance relationships, and he said that they are difficult, but it depends if the relationship is worth it, with all the communication, money and time to see each other. He then proceeded to say how he split up with his girlfriend of 4 years when he moved only 20 miles away, because of the distance… so with me being even further away… it doesn’t look good! Although saying that, we've both used our time and money to see each other. My friends think he’s a bit of a player, because he never seems to have girlfriends for too long, and still flirts with me over messages when he has a girlfriend… but surely if he was with an ex girlfriend for 4 years, he can’t be all bad? I see him as such a nice and genuine guy, in my eyes he’s perfect.. I just don’t know what to do. I know we act like a couple, but I’m still not sure if he likes me. Surely he must have some feelings for me, or else he wouldn’t act like he does… cause I can’t say that friends act towards each other like me and him do (although I guess you could argue friends with benefits!). I know we haven’t been able to see each other very often because of the distance… which should hopefully improve now as I’m much closer… but we’ve never discussed the situation about me and him, and I don’t know why. After seeing him 2 weeks ago,I want to bring the situation of me and him up, because I really want to be with him. Although on the other hand, I’m scared. I like things how they are now, but on the other hand I don’t… but I’m unsure about actually telling him and asking, because I’m scared of what he’ll say, and that it will make our relationship change. I have a feeling he won’t want to, and that he’ll say I need to settle into my job here and with him being busy with his job too, that there won’t be enough time for seeing each other. Although we both have cars, and I’d be willing to stay with him a few days every week, cause I’d like to make it work, but at the same time.. I wouldn't want to seem too pushy. I apologise for the length of my post, but I’m just so unsure on what to do at the moment. What do you guys think I should do?Does it seem like he likes me?All your advice would be most appreciated.Thank you.
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ex girlfriend, facebook, flirt, friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, long distance, money, player, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): it seems like he likes you.his giving up his time,money to see you.
but let him make the move see if he brings it up...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Well of course he likes you he sounds like he is a friend though since you haven't defined your relationship otherwise.
You didn't come right out and say it but are you having sex with him as in Friends with Benfefits? Because if you are then you already know what this is.
That said he could be developing feelings for you and it seems to me that you need to know after all this time how he feels about you.
You need to ask the question. Don't be afraid of the answer, if it is the NO, then you know and can move on from him, you don't want to waste all your love on a man who isn't really there for you, it is easy to Facebook, etc, but it isn't a real relationship and you know that.
But find out, no more agonizing and wondering and hoping because if it isn't moving forward, it probably either needs a little push or it is time to completely hault this, a few years is a long time to focus on one person who isn't in love with you. I realize that you started out as friends and friendship is a great foundation for a romance, but he may not feel that way about you, he may be a player and wants to be single, you need to Know that and now is the time to ask, not a year from now...because then you won't need to ask the question, you will just be stuck in the same spot.
I hope you are dating some other men in your area, or are going to do so.
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