A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A past boyfriend introduced me to phone sex, and when we broke up, I realized it was still a pretty good sexual outlet for me. It seemed problem-free, because I could easily find a guy on the internet, call him from a blocked number, and have an hour or so of fun, without any consequences. Recently, I started dating another guy, and I wonder if I need to tell him about my little stint as an unpaid phone sex operator. When I was single, it seemed fine, but now that I'm seeing someone again, I feel like he might judge me. I don't know if I'd be completely okay with him telling me he used to call random girls he didn't even know and talk to them intimately, as hypocritical as that is. Since I'm not going to keep doing this while I'm seeing a perfectly great new man, is there any reason he has to know about it?
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broke up, phone sex, sexual past, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): My BF dumped me because I didn't tell him about 3 guys I had slept with so as from now I will tell my future BF everything.. Women often underestimate the importance of their sexual history for their partner.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I'm almost positive that he will have less of a problem with this than you think he might.
Guys care about physical sexual actions. Girls care about emotional and mental sexual actions.
You might be more bothered by the idea of having that kind of mental intimacy with lots of other people. But if I was your BF I would probably be more bothered by ONE more actual sex partner than all that phone sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): no you do not need to say. Its your past and you were single at the time and it was between consenting adults. nothing wrong with that at all. there is no need to say, however if one day he asks then yes say, because its no biggie really.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 August 2009):
 No.
But if you feel like you may be judged by him, are you sure that this is someone you want to be with? You know, relationships arent worth a crap unless they are full of trust and honesty, along with communication.
So its your choice to tell him or don't, but either action will come with a certain amount of risk, especially if any of the guys you had phone sex with are still on your friends list on a social site. If they let something go in a comment on your page that your new BF may see, it could open up a huge can of worms. Take a look around at some of the posts on this site, where somebody had a secret that may have gone undiscovered had someone not gotten wind of it through Myspace of Facebook. Most of the time they end up here crying like a bus full of Lucys(WAAAAA).
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): No reason whatsoever. The past is the past. You can't change it and there's little point discussing it or mulling over it, except perhaps to learn from it.
How come I never get calls like this? I feel deprived now. As if I've missed out on something. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
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