A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's is this guy, half turkish-half german, I met exactly one year ago. Normally I like someone very quick (1 day) by looking at the guy's behavior, but this one I met was not like that. I started liking him after almost 1 month, I think I fell in love. I asked myself what I liked about this guy, I was able to answer myself, thing that had never happened with other guys I liked. I guess it's because I was very shallow. I used to pay a lot of attention on the physical appearance. I can tell that this guy's physical appearance is far away from what I look on a guy.We were classmates at a language school, we were in the same class. We were going to have lunch in group almost every afternoon, and at night and weekends to bars or the movies. But few weeks after I fell in love with him, I discovered that he was sort of dating the Russian girl from our group, that hurt me, but since I am a very cold person I didn't really care. I guess I kind of fell out of love, but still kind of liking they guy, not a big deal, I was not fighting for him, that's not what I would normally do (fight for a guy). Time went on, I went on a vacation in January 2010, for 2 months. I went to my country to visit my parents. Although, we were skyping each other. Two days before my birthday, he and the Russian girl skyped me, because they thought it was my birthday, but it was not, they said they would call on the right day, but they did not. Four days after my birthday, he skyped me, he was crying in front of me, he told me they broke up on my birthday and the girl went back to Russia, and he was feeling too bad to call me, and that he is very sorry. It was OK, birthday is not a big deal for me because I went out with my friends anyways. We were skyping each other until I came back to NYC in March. We were spending a lot of time together, but nothing out of place, we talked about his "break up" and about what the Russian girl did to him.Summer arrived, he went to Europe, and I was still going to a language school and also doing an internship to keep myself busy. Since he wasn't here with me, our group was barely hanging out together. He was calling me often at least once a week. I noticed he was not calling my other friends, but only me. He came back in September, to start his master degree. He stayed in my apartment for 1 month, while he was hunting for apartment, nothing out of place happened this time either, because I live my younger sister who is only 15. We both started classes, I am a freshie and he a graduate student. During that month he stayed with me, I noticed that he was different.-Few days after he came back he was sick. I started classes for 3 days, he asked me if I made new friend because I’m not the type of person who is constantly looking for friends. I told him I haven’t, and that it was difficult because everybody is very young and that the students were very immature and seemed silly, he found that rude, he said that is not their fault, and that the one who is out of place was me, because I’m used to hang out with people much older than me, and that he has never met a girl like me before, and that I am very different, I don’t complain, I’m not materialist or shallow and that I don’t ask for bunch of things, and that I’m very simple.-There was a night that we went to a bar with our friends to celebrate that he was back in the US, he and my friends got to the bar first, but I joined them hours later because I was cooking already when he told me to join them, when we came back home, he complained that I joined them way too late, then I understood why he was so quiet at the bar.-I am the type of girl who have more guy friends than girl friends. I normally skype my friends a lot because whether they don't live here in the US or in NYC. There was a afternoon that I was skyping to a guy friend of mine, and the night before I was skyping my best friend who is a guy also, the guy who was staying in my apartment was about to leave the apartment to do what he needed to do outside. When he came back at night around 10 pm, he asked what I did all afternoon, I asked him if he remembers I was talking to a friend and that I spent all afternoon talking to that friend. He said, "Oh, come on, it's enough talking with your friends", I said “What? Jelous?”, he just laughed. -There was a night that he asked me if I had something to do the next night because he’d probably want to go to the movies, I said that it was OK, but I didn’t receive even a text the next day. When he got home, he complained that I didn’t call him to go the movies, I told him that he used the word “probably”, so I didn’t take that for granted.-There was once that I asked him if I changed after summer, if I was colder, because that is what my told me. He said that I was OK and that he likes my personality.-He also tells me about the girls who approach him on the streets and the annoying girls who are constantly texting him. I am not sure if he wants to make me jealous.-He doesn’t spend much time in my apartment. He sort of only comes to sleep, that’s it. Although, he is always saying how much he doesn’t want to go where he needs to go and that he only wants to stay at home and chat with me. I am the girl who has more guy friend than girl friends and he’s the opposite. That makes things very complicated I guess.-When I talk about a guy who is good-looking to me he doesn't comment, but when my sister does it he says "Oh, yes that guy is cool".I didn’t feel him as close as we used to be before summer, maybe because he was spending a lot of time with his roomie-to-be. His roomie-to-be is a guy he recently met, so he told me he has to get to know this guy before he really decides to rent an apartment with him. Therefore he was hanging out a lot with his roomie-to-be, he didn’t ask me to join them, and I understand why, his roomie-to-be is not himself in front of a stranger like me. I needed a friend, and he was the only one who was really my friend, I felt sad because he wasn’t spending as much time with me as he used to before summer.He finally moved out from my apartment, and we didn’t talk to each other for like 4 days. I didn’t want to text him only to see if he was only using me. He was the one who texted me first. He said he finally finished with his duty for his new apartment and that he missed me a lot, and how I was doing and that he wanted to see me. He is not the kind of guy who expresses his feelings, so that “I miss you” was very awkward to me.I really don’t know what’s going on. Maybe this is not as complicated as I think it is. I think I see this complicated because of the past feeling I had or have for him, and also because of what people said that he and I might end up together because he’s my closest friend and that he tell me so much about his past relationships. Thing that I see impossible, because he loves the Russian girl so much. Although, he tells me that he doesn’t have any special feeling toward her anymore and that he wants to take revenge for what she did to him, but I read his text messages, and he tells her he loves her very much and misses cuddling her on the bed. I know is not right to check his messages but he checks mines too, so I think we are tied.I don't want to call him or text him, because everytime I do it, it hurts me. I believe he knows I like him, but what is he doing with me? Is he trying to mess up with my mind? What does he want? This has never ever happened to me before, and is painful. I need help.Someone recommended me not to invest to much time in this guys because is not the right moment to do so and I would only be his rebound girl. Yes, I understand that, I don't want to be with him either but I am his closest friend here in this country and I don't want to be selfish, but I think he is being selfish. And he is always saying how loyal I am, only because his exes cheated on him, and also because of the fact that I haven't told his story to anyone else, because I have this concept of "IS NOT MY SECRET TO SHARE", and that I also always keep my promises, that when I say "I promise" I really promise, I keep it. And the month he stayed with me, he said that many things I do remind him of his mom, hahahaha. I can say he has always admired my personality.What I don't understand is the timing! Why now? He was worse before summer (he was still dealing with his feelings for his ex), but he was acting like me brother instead, we were calling bro and sis to each other. Now, he came back from summer and he's just different. I think he is much better now, he barely mention about his ex. What does he want to use me now? Why now that I have to deal with my college things?When he texted me saying "I miss you", we texted and at the end I wrote him "Good night, you know you love, XOXO" as in the TV series gossip girl, because he knows the series. Then he wrote back "Yes, I know I do". Damn I really did not like that! I am not buying that!!! Come on, he had a rebound girl in March whom he broke up with because the girl was fed up that he was not saying "I love you" to her. And when the girl tells him she loves him he would say "I like you too".I am sorry if it is too long, but I needed to explain it all so you understand my situation. I would really appreciate some help.Thank you very much,Girl in pain.
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best friend, broke up, fell in love, his ex, immature, jealous, moved out, revenge, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Ok i think that you are over dramatising this just a little bit, at the end of the day he has done nothing but show you he cares about you as a friend therefore its not him thats messing up your head its yourself because you have feelings for him.
This guy may be totally clueless about how you feel guys arent really good at reading the signs when a girl likes them so dont just assume he knows and he is hurting you. Maybe he does know but he values your friendship and doesnt see it as a problem.
You need to decide here what is best for you, you have two options either you tell this guy how you feel and ask him does he ever see anything happening between you, or else you have the choice if you are brave enough to continue being friends with him and try and hide your feelings either way you need to be honest with him and tell him how you are feeling he is one of your best friends so surely you can sit down and talk to him just tell him how you feel its the only way to solve this.
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