A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey there! So I used to be friends with benefits with this guy about a year ago but then I started to catch feelings for him and somehow we drifted apart. Now, months later, we ran into each and started keeping in touch again. He is still very attracted to me and I am to him although I don’t have any feelings for him anymore. I find it hard to trust him and know what he wants. The other day I hang out with him and we had fun but we ended up kissing and he wanted to have sex but I told him that I didn’t want that and that it wasn’t a good idea. He agreed with me. He cuddled me and we watched a movie together with the occasional kissing and we had a lot of fun. It felt so good. He was resting his head on mine and we were so comfortable with each other. He kissed me on the lips when he dropped me home which was surprising because that was the first time he’d actually done that. I’m not gonna give him sex because I don’t want to put myself in that situation again. I thought he would lose interest in me when he realized I’m not gonna sleep with him but he still keeps in touch nearly every day and is very bothered when he sees me with other guys. I can tell he cares about me, if I’m upset he can read me like a book and he would call me at once to talk about it and try to make me feel better. He’s very loving but I’m not sure what’s with all the kissing and cuddling. He never did those things back when we were FWBs. I’m not sure what he wants from me but my friends believe he wants something more than just FWB but that he’s too cowardly or afraid to tell me how he feels. I was teasing him about a girl he used to like and he said I promise you I’m not in love. Do you think he’s leading me on? Or does it seem like my friends could be right? I’m attracted to him for sure but I don’t have any strong feelings for him because I’ve been burned before.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2023): Remove sex from the relationship and do not give in until he asks for a commitment. Don't make it easy for him to come back into your life. I feel you should not be kissing him. Make him work for it. If he isn't willing to work for it then thats your answer.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2023):
 You need to USE your WORDS, OP
Tell, him:" hey, I'm very attracted to you and I really enjoy spending time with you, but I'm not looking to restart a FWB with YOU or anyone else."
If he then tells you he wants to DATE you properly and be exclusive, then go for it.
If he tells you he "just" want to hang out and be "friends" then you NEED to wish him well and tell him, That is not what I'm looking for so I think we gotta stop this and move on.
After that BLOCK, DELETE, and MOVE on.
Overall, it might be a good idea to look elsewhere for a BF as you two have some murky past already that might not be conducive to a healthy relationship.
Kissing and cuddling you doesn't mean he CARES. He might get sex elsewhere and therefore isn't "pushing for more" with you, right now. Does he take you out on "dates"? Or is it always come to my place or go to yours?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2023): If you can't read him, how can we? We've never met him. You're in murky waters, because you started things out with sex as the theme of your relationship. You're kind of dancing around it; but you've caught feelings because of a few cuddles and kisses. My guess is he's reclaiming access to the goodies; and he's willing do a few extra things if that's what it takes. Don't mistake jealousy of other guys as proof of anything; that could be entirely territorial or possessive.
Gaslighting and manipulation are pretty handy tools and seems peope are willing to resort to these tactics to get what they want; when it seems the direct approach isn't working.
I'm sure you'll get some good answers; but nobody here is a mindreader, and we can't tell you what he's thinking or feeling. If you can't, then you'll have to be direct and ask him exactly what he's up to?
Let me tell you something, anyone who can play the game of friend's with benefits is hardly shy about what they want. What they might be unsure of is how to keep getting what they want without strings attached; or being forced into a committment when sex is really great, but they don't really want to be tied down in a monogamous-relationship. Most people in this setup know the main rule is no strings attached.
The call is yours. If you want to take a chance with him; you'll first have to ask what his intentions truly are, and what it is he really wants from you? Try not to corner him, or make him tell you what you want to hear. Don't ask anything after sex, or when you're intoxicated. Friends with benefits is always like playing Russian roulette. Playing a game of chance; until somebody catches feelings, or someone gets hurt.
If you want to try a legit relationship with commitment and monogamy; you'll have to tell him straightup what you want, and stop using sex as an enticement. Usually the bait you catch a guy with, it's what he will always expect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2023): Test
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2023): You do not know that he cares about you - that is wishful thinking. And it is very obvious you have strong feelings for him - you would not think about him so much and ask everyone here about it otherwise.+
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