A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.My main problem is excessive masturbation.i seem to put more effort into it than any other area. I have a steady girlfriend and things are generally ok in that area, guess could be improved a bit but thats cos we dont always see a lot of eachother due to various circumstances. I often get home from work then spend a good hour or two 'jackin off' then feel lazy and dont wanna do anythin else for the rest of the evening. My other concern is the fetish based content of my fantasies. I really find femdom stuff a turn on and so trawl for hours over similar sort of videos and imagery, things like spanking, face sitting, foot worship and the usual stuff like that. Also like the fantasy of bein dressed in girls clothes like a maid etc. I cant say i like things that some would find particularly disgusting, just general stuff of female worship and slave scenarios. The thing is i think im endulging myself in it a bit too much, so its on my mind alot and it makes me feel like a pervert and ashamed of myself! i'm generally a pretty ordinary down to earth freindly guy with good social life and career etc altho i can see this problem affecting all that further down the line. I have played around with some of this stuff with my gf, bein spanked and licking her feet and we enjoyed it. She's defo got a kinky side and she'd prolly go with it if i asked for more but again i feel quite guilty about it afterwards and a bit ashamed. Also we are both quite headstrong and dont like to be pushed around in real life so i worry about it leaking out of the bedroom into other areas of the relationship.So i dont really know what to do. Does anyone think fetishes can be 'cured' or diminished or whatever. Is it all better kept as fantasy or should i do what feels good at the time? And does anyone else have any experience dealing with the shame and guilt? Any thoughts or people who have similar experiences, would be most appreciated, esp female perspective? Me and my gf can talk about most things but i find it hard to go into detail with this and dont want her to lose respect for me cos of it! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Maledom  +, writes (5 December 2014):
Save yourself by joining NoFap. Femdom is a dangerous drug- it kills your masculine pride and increases your desperation levels, which in turn increases your dependence on it. The reason you feel guilty about this is that you are inherently an alpha male and are subjecting yourself to 'beta male' stuff, against which your alpha ego revolts strongly. In fact regular porn (watching others mate) is beta stuff- femdom is much worse.
Read http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2o4szn/we_are_truly_alpha/ for inspiration.
You can do it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think i have some idea where it may have stemmed from way back in my childhood. Not solely, i wasnt neglected by my parents but they argued quite viscously sometimes when i was young, dunno if that could at all contribute to it. The issue i'm reffering to though happened in first school and i had an "accident". This older and quite strict female teacher took me into her office and took off my clothing to clean me up. She gave me a light smack on the bum and scolded me for my mistake as an older boy and girl came in the office to speak to her about something. Its a really vague memory but i remember her sorting them out with me left standing there virtually naked being forgotten about! I dont think that alone contributed to it but don't think it helped! To make things worse, i needed some clean underwear and all they had were a pair of girls pants which i had to wear for the rest of the day! IT's good to talk on here, its all stuff i would never dare to utter in real life!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I recommend you watch this documentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtgsMCECWnw
It might redefine your definition of excessive!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both for your comments. Satin, thanks for explaining the term fetish properly. I wouldn't say i absolutely have to have these things in any sexual activity so guess i cant call it a fetish. I must say though it's kinda progressed over the years and I find myself needing it more and more- thats what concerns me.
I was thinking about whether i should seek some councilling or something like that. Its the guilt and shame i find difficult, even though i know its not so horrific and its not hurting anyone. But it is affecting my self asteem, i cant help that!
I do feel lucky to have a gf with a kinky side btw, and i think u missunderstand that she is embarrassed, which i dont think is the case, its more me who is.
Excessive masturbation is a funny thing, its bad cos i think i would really struggle to intentionally go a day without at all, if not several times, and telling myself not to works against me as its kinda a turn on, like forbidden fruit sorta thing!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Excessive masturbation is a funny thing. The more you do it the more you feel the need to do it. Just put sex to the back of your head, distract yourself. Once you've gone a few days without masturbating, you'll get out of the habit of over-indulging. As for your fantasies, they're just that - fantasies. They can be as 'perverted' as you like - they're not harming anyone, are they? As for your femdom/spanking fetish, that's not so abnormal. Lots of guys get turned on by erotic humiliation and domination. As for acting it out with your gf, why not ask her if she'd like to participate in some femdom-related activity - just don't go overboard with it unless she's really into it. You're pretty lucky to have a girl whom you describe as 'kinky'. Make the best of it.
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