A
female
age
30-35,
*ollieMc
writes:Hi, I was recently diagnosed to have Anxiety and Depression disorder. Because of my great extent of Depression I was referred to a psychiatrist where she also mentioned something about OCD, which I believe falls under an anxiety disorder. I am currently on medication, however I am not seeing any great effects yet, despite a slight more happy and motivated attitude, but that may just be a placebo affect, haha ;)However, I am still not sure what emotions are the normal (everyday change in emotion) vs. symptoms on set by the depression... anymore. Since I believe I have been suffering with this for two years. I can not determine whether it's over sensitivity or depression. For example, sometimes I wonder if I have the "right" to be sad, or is it the depression; I consider "fooling with my emotions." Occasionally I get upset/hopeless. And rarely, but still a problem, i feel angry with much rage,(Fighting with my fiance' would bring out this type of "rage") And if it comes that far, I feel like a child, ... A child who throws temper tantrums. I was not that type of child even, or person for that matter, ever before. SO I wonder why I can become like this now. I feel as if the tantrums are brought on due to lack of attention, and once I am already angry, and given no attention I have this "child like" tantrum. At least that is how I see it. I have been told that feeling is brought on by adrenaline, and caused by the anxiety, brought on by stress. Does this feeling happen to anyone else?When a person hurts my feelings, I get thoughts of completely wiping them out of my life.(ignoring them, not communicating with them) I suppose it is because I do not want them to hurt me again? I do not know. But why is that? I used to not be like this before.Lately, I feel as if during my hardest times everyone is upsetting me. I know I am over sensitive right now, but when deciding if a friend or family member or even fiance should never have anything to do with my life anymore, I consider but know that is a little bit too harsh. Why do I feel this way. Is it because I'm feeling hopeless, or is cutting my ties with the people who hurt me often something that needs to be done?An example: A family member tried to make fun of my problem by stating I have "mental disturbances" However, she has no idea I am truly depressed. I know this is nothing, but to someone who does indeed have emotional disorders can get hurt.I try to hide my sadness, around all people. I would say I do pretty good job, No one knows I am depressed besides my Mother and Fiance, whom I told. My mother thought I was depressed about a year ago, But recently she said she had no idea I was now (since I don't "act" depressed. )I was never the type of person who became embarrassed, at all. I was able to laugh at my flaws, and mistakes. Whereas, now I get embarrassed over anything, if I make any mistake, etc. And I will turn my head and tears roll from my eyes. I cry unintentionally. An unwanted cry. And that too embarrasses me. I cant help it. I need some major advice. Will medicine help this? Or is this something I "should be able to control"?My depression has lasted 2 years now, and I just recently was diagnosed. I Believe the OCD/anxiety disorder came about a year later, (a year ago)I am not sure what symptoms go with what and I would really love some insight. I have done my research, but there is only so much you can find online, and most of it states the same thing, and I would really like to hear from a person who understands and can relate, vs reading studies.Thank You so much! =} Please, I would love to hear your experience with depression, and or OCD, and or anxiety disorder, how you deal/dealt with it/them. In addition to how the medication helped you. Or if you just have any knowledge on the matter.Thank you again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Yes, I can completely relate to a lot of what you have said here. I have experienced mental health problems since the age of about 12. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders, etc. I have been put on medication before, and am currently taking something now.
I very much understand that feeling of wanting to cut off contact with anyone who upsets you. I used to do that a lot. My mother has always been there for me and stood beside me, yet whenever she would do/say the slightest thing which upset me, I would feel absolutely livid with her, and would not talk to her for a long time. I used to think I never wanted anything to do with her again. This used to happen with a lot of people. However, it is something I am much better at handling, and I do not usually react so strongly.
I suppose I always try to think that people are doing the best they can, and they probably don't mean to upset me. I try not to dwell on what they may have done, and try to "forgive" them instead. It isn't easy, I know. I also think it can be helpful to walk away when you are feeling really angry or upset, and take some time to think and calm down. And then, when you next see that person, explain how you were feeling, and how you were seeing the situation. They might not know how you were feeling and perceiving things, and it can give both people a chance to try and understand each other.
I also learned a lot of Cognitive Behavioural techniques (CBT), which can help you to rationalise your thoughts. I think that might be something worth looking into, as it can be applied to lots of different problems and difficulties.
I also become very uncomfortable and embarrassed if I make even small mistakes. I always have a feeling that people are judging me in a negative way, and I worry that things I do or say may seem foolish and stupid. Is that how you feel? I think that is part of the anxiety, and also to do with low self-esteem.
I also understand that feeling of being "like a child". It is not nice when you think you are behaving in such a way, but it can be very difficult to know how else to deal with your feelings. I think it is really important to try and find different ways of coping with things. Again, it is something I had to learn. I think I used to be very childish when I was feeling angry or upset, but it was simply because I didn't know of any other way to react. I think it can help to look at the people around you, people who you think are fairly "normal" and able to cope well with things, and see how they cope. How do they handle anger and disappointment? What do they do if somebody upsets them? Maybe you could make it a sort of "experiment", try different ways of behaving when different things happen.
So when somebody would upset me, although I had the thoughts and feelings to cut them out of my life, I would think to myself, "Okay. I'll let them off this once. I'll try and forget about this one incident, and see what happens." And although I did feel some resentment towards them at first, it did pass when I continued to interact with them, and I learned that it is okay to let things go sometimes. I think it is about exploring different options, different ways of coping with things, and trying them out. Looking at how other people handle things can help if you get stuck.
Regarding your low mood, I think it is very much a part of depression. It is good that you are receiving some help though, and hopefully the medication will have more of an effect as you continue taking it. You say that people are often unaware of how bad you may be feeling. Do you tend to say that you are okay, even if you are not? I do that a lot. Most people never know how I am really feeling, or how down I can become, because I never tell anyone. Even if I feel awful, if anyone asks me how I am, I automatically say "I'm fine". Do you do that? And I think I always come across as fairly confident and happy, despite the fact I may not be.
As hard as it can be, sometimes it is helpful to let people know how you are feeling. Believe me, it is something I am still struggling to do! But I think it can be important for people to know how you are REALLY feeling. It can also help you feel less alone and more supported. Some people are very good at seeming okay, and I guess we are two of those people.
I think everyone feels down and hopeless sometimes, regardless of whether they are depressed or not. It is just human nature. But I think the difference is in how we deal with those feelings. Try not to beat yourself up for how you are feeling though. I am currently going through a "low patch" myself, and I know how horrible and difficult it can be. It can also be bewildering when you are having all of these emotions, and don't know what to do with them or whether they are "normal" or not. You are doing the best you can, as we all are, and I think you are already taking some positive steps, by taking medication, looking into how you are feeling, being honest with yourself, and opening up to people on here. Those are all great steps towards learning more and understanding yourself.
I hope something here has helped, even if it is just that you realise you are not alone. It is a slow and steady process of learning and growth, but you can get through it and emerge stronger than before. We both can. :-) Be nice to yourself, and take care. x
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