A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26 year old and dating a 29 year old Italian man. Does anyone have experience with Italians? Are the stereotypes of the men actually a reality in most cases? The relationship is not yet to a point of where I can't emotionally get out if I need to, although there are some signs and I am not sure if they are red flags or if they are just cultural differences that I need to work to understand?Friendships with men are out of the question, I can understand the threat of someone of the opposite sex, but is it too much to ask him to get to know a male friend before I end the friendship? Meetings at work are becoming a bit of a hassle, and there have been times where he's requested I send him the copy of the meeting invite because he "doesn't know me well enough to trust that's what I'm doing". Or, this week, for example, I am visiting my mother in another state and he will call and insist that he stay on the phone while I have a conversation with her just to prove that I am with her and not lying to him or out with someone else. These are things that he says will stop when he knows me better and knows that I am a trustworthy woman. But I grew up in an environment where I was taught to trust people until they give me a reason not to...NOT to mistrust people until they earn it...Advice is GREATLY appreciated, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know if these are things that most men from Italy do, or if I am being 'emotionally scammed'.Thanks!
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female
reader, Joanne911  +, writes (29 June 2012):
I only had one encounter with an Italian man. It was in 1998 and it was very random indeed. I was making my way out of Waterstones in Charing Cross Road, London after a day's out and for some reason I had bumped in to a guy. I apologised and left. He then came after me to see how I was and we made conversation. He gave me his name and I told him mine. We went for a drink in a bar on the opposite side of Charing Cross Road. We exchanged numbers and took it from there. The first call came at 02:00 in the morning of Monday. Wanting to ask to see me. Yes you can laugh. I had work on Monday as well from 09:00 am. Anyway we met on the following Saturday at the railway station where I live and we went for a walk towards the beach. He was very friendly, but at the same time very passionate about cooking for me and being there for me. This was our first date. I think this was the time I felt he was heavy and we parted company after this date. My advise is be open, but also be honest if you feel that the person is coming on too heavy especially for a first date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): I had a relationship with an older man and that will be the last relationship I will ever have with one. He played the game of the chase and I fell for it. Attentive, charming and I got involved. Once he had me where he wanted me he totally changed. He'd make plans for a weekend they never happened. Every instinct told me I was only one of many.He would go so far to make plans to come over and never call to say he couldn't make it and leave me waiting. I asked 3 times when he'd pull that to please show me respect and at least call to say he wasn't coming. He then would deliberately tell me okay I'll call tomorrow and we'll get together. Then he would not call on purpose to humiliate me. Then call to see me a week later or ask me to his home to throw me off guard. A very self centered nasty man very controlling and absolutely no respect for women.
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A
female
reader, nativegoddess +, writes (29 June 2010):
I am from the U.S. and I met an Italian man from Italy on the internet. He is 14 yrs younger than me...(in his 30's) We started writing each other in 2007 and about 6 months later, he wanted to talk by phone. He bought him a phone that worked to the U.S. We've talked everyday for 3 yrs. In the first 6 months of our friendship, he told me that we should agree not to talk to anyone else (only to each other) But I had told him we agreed only to be friends and that wasn't right. He would become very upset and would ask me about other guys I was talking or writing to. I had tried to end the friendship at the first sign of his jealousy, but he would text me all night and say he didn't want to lose me and needed me in his life. He would tell me he wouldn't be able to eat, sleep, think, write, etc. if I left him. I stayed talking to him because I didn't want him to feel so alone. He said he didn't have any close friends and didn't have time to have a girlfriend in Italy because he was too busy with his work. He came to visit me in 2008 and again in 2009. He is planning on coming back again this year. He never tried to kiss me or anything like that. We still remain friends, but we argue alot over the phone because of the jealousy. I have tried numerous times to tell him we should not communicate anymore, but he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I am a very caring woman and I began to have feelings for him. It is like we can't let each other go...but we don't want our friendship to turn into anything serious. He has spent alot of money coming to the U.S. for his flight ticket and motel room, etc. We've had fabulous times together when he has come to visit, (no arguing or jealousy) We have exchanged gifts with each other for the past 3 yrs. I don't know what I would do if I seriously didn't have contact with him anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He is a very reserved person, quiet, shy. He has never been married and only had one girlfriend in his entire life. He doesn't havey any kids.. He lives alone, but his Aunt and Uncle live in an apt. above him. His Aunt cooks for him, cleans his house, washes and irons his clothes. Of course, he gives his Aunt money for doing this. He works midshift hrs and only has time to come home and eat dinner at his Aunt's and calls me, then goes to bed. We talk for 2 hrs everyday. He is a very good person except for when he gets in his moods. I seem to think that it has to be because we live so many miles apart and don't know what the other is doing! When it's night there, it is daylight here....He always asks me what I am going to do later (after he goes to bed) I really don't do anything, other than go shopping, taking my kids out to eat sometimes, and taking evening walks with my son every evening. But I know one day soon we may find someone in our lives and it may hurt not to talk with each other as often as we do now.
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A
female
reader, Dambeley +, writes (4 October 2009):
I have been dating an Italian man for the last year. As it is my first relationship with an Italian man, I cannot say that all It alina men are one way or another. What I can tell you is that he is super pocessive; to the point that if I go out with a firend, then it means that a million questions will come like, who talked to you,how much did you drink, what did you wear etc. If I do not offer this info before he asks, then I am trying to hide something, or lying etc. Me going out now means that he will end up causing an argument and this gives him an excuse not to talk to me for a few days. This is his way of punishing me for going out. He has alot of issues, and it does not matter how amny times I tell him that I love him, need him, want him, he will still not trust me. This issue is more about him than me, however you end up trying to prove that you are not a hussy that is out to cheat on her man. He is charming, loving, sensitive and good looking - all of the things that make you believe that you cant live without him, and this can be part of the problem. If I am honest, I dont see how the relationship can last. I spend 70% of my time upset, unhappy, crying because he is being unreasonable or just plain refuses to talk to me. The other 30% of the time I am totally in love and happy with what appears to be the most marvelous and loving man in the world. I regret not getting out when the warning signs came early on in the relationship. You think that you can change them but YOU CANNOT! IT gets worse, but by now you are totally in love and cannot think of life without them. I have since read various discussions about Italin men and their pocessiveness and whilst it cannot possible be the case for all, I do think it is a trait that you see more frequently in Italian men than other nationalities. Pocesiveness in any relationship is not good and so my advise would be GET OUT BEFORE YOU LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TOO LEAVE!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): very typical Italian male behaviour. I am with one, and I can't get out, he is psycho jelous and controlling, but also way too horny for other women. It is hell.
Unless you are willing to pretend to be controlled and actually control him, then get out. BUt if you have love him and want to put up with him you have to learn to strategize.
Personally, Italian men are posessive weaklings with overly active libidos. I fuckin hate them.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Hi ,
It has nothing to do with him being Italian.
It has all to do with him being a controlling partner. You think things will get better when he starts trusting you?
No way, things will get worse, get out now. This is only a taste of things to come.
There are women who are controlling and men who are controlling, they never hook up with each other, they always seek out those who are compliant . You sound like you have enough of a clue to get out of this one now.
You will regret it if you don't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Red flag, absolutely. This is controlling behavior and you are not going to be able to convince him to trust you. The problem lies in HIM, not in you. Get out with your self-esteem intact. I don't care how lovely he is the other 80% of the time; the 20% when he is like this isn't going to go away.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 August 2009):
 RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG!!
Get out, this man is controlling obsessive and insecure, not good relationship material!!
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