A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 months. Which isn't very long I know, but it's been playing on my mind. I'm usually the sort of person who can cut someone off at the drop of a hat, and I've had to do that to survive in the past. But this guy is so different. He's kind, caring, always put me first, always wanting the best for me. The problem was I felt suffocated, like I actually couldn't breathe. I tried to adjust, thinking I just wasn't used to relationships and the rules that came with them. But I was hurting him and I thought it would be best to call time while we could still be friends rather than string him along and make all involved more miserable. But after I did it, I felt properly sad. And still do. I don't know if it's that I've made a mistake or I miss the only man in my life that has made me feel special. And apart from anything else, we were very good friends, to go from that to nothing is...difficult.Does anyone have any advice for the eternal commitophobe? Or should I just give up hope now and start investing in my cat collection now?Thanks!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 February 2016):
 No need to get your cats just yet.
I think you both had some issues with relationships. He might have been a TOO needy and over the top BF and you might have been scared of being with someone who seemingly cared so deeply for you.
Honestly, if you told him to dial it down a notch (or ten) and he didn't do it, he may not BE the right guy for you. I think when a guy (or a girl) starts out with being a bit over the top it rarely lasts. That is how they "hook" a partner. When a woman does that, she is called clingy and needy - when a guy does it? Romantic..... I compare people to a bottle-rocket here - they ZOOM off trying to show their partner JUST how GREAT they are, how much they CARE, how the partner is the most important person etc. But very few people can sustain that kind of care and energy. A relationship is not about ONE person, but the two of them and how well they mesh. You two? Didn't mesh all that well.
2 months in shouldn't feel like pressure on you. It should still be fun, the "getting" to know you phase, the learning all the little quirks of each other. If you ran after only 2 months, I don't think it was from commitment - I think it was because you felt you couldn't match his intensity.
Next time just GO SLOW, don't put so many expectations on yourself to be someone you are not. And IF the guy seems to be moving WAY to fast or "feeling" way to intense, ask him to put the breaks on and slow down. There is no hurry in love.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): Hi, I just was like the guy who you broke up with, it hurts, knowing, I tried so hard to make her feel wonderful, how women always say they want to be treated by a man, I bet, he is thinking about you all the time, young lady, there isn't a lot of guys out there, who are really nice guys.If he really loved you, that's hard to find, and treated you, very special, I know it be hard to call him, you don't want to get hurt again, but when it comes to love, take the chance.Hun, you should be able to look into his eyes, an feel the love he has for you, Hun his heart, tried to give you love, what do you have to lose?Kiss his heart, I bet his heart will kiss yours back, am just hoping she will realize, I only wanted to give her my love, its been two months, an I miss her with every breath I take, I know she was scared, what her ex did to her ten years ago, but why punish, a guy who only wanted to make her feel wonderful, talk to him, you won't regret it
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2016):
 I think you are afraid of getting hurt, you have not let your guard down because of your past. I think you knew deep down you had great feelings for him, so you broke up with him so that you could protect yourself.
It sounds like it was a good relationship, and if you want it back then fight for it. Be honest with him about your feelings. Maybe go to therapy to see if you can let yourself have a happy relationship.
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