A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a lesbian who is out of the closet, I'm confident in my sexuality and after a tricky few years, have spent the last couple of years enjoying full acceptance from my parents. I have been dating an Indian girl for the past few months (I am Caucasian, we are both in our early 20's). We really get on, to the extent that I have introduced her to my family. I have met hers, but under the pretext of being a 'friend'. After staying the night (she still lives with her parents) my mother asked if her parents knew about us. She is concerned that me staying over will look bad on us both in the future, should her parents find out. I want to be respectful and honest but at the same time I can't/don't want to make my girlfriend 'come out' unless she wants to do it for herself. So far, she doesn't seem very confident in telling people, although she insists that she would like people to know about us .Here's my issue- she still wants me to spend the night at hers, but I am uneasy as I don't want to cause any tension within her family. Equally I still want to spend nights at hers and get to know her family better. I know that ethnicity and cultural differences shouldn't play any part in this, but unfortunately they seem to be. Does anybody have any advice on homosexuality in Indian culture or advice on what I should do with my girlfriend?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): Indian society is very very nosy about homosexuality. they are bound to go ballistic on this one. i am from india, if her parents are immgrants then there is bound to be major issues. you have to be firm and open about your feelings to her family. make sure you have an open conversation with the mother and your partner. thats should be the right way to go about it. capitalize on the mutual happieness and sloace you both find in each other.
"baby" would be their next concern. indian families go big on carrying on their family name. suggest surrogate motherhood and sperm bank options. tell them, explain rather, as to how important it is for both of you to live togeteher. hope i've been of some help.
regards,
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (3 December 2012):
 Well being indian myself; i would advice you to tread cautiously.
Homosexuality in the culture is generally frowned upon (especially amongst the older generation who very rarely accept this).
As long as her parents/family dont know about you, you shouldn't have an issue to go there.
The problem is when they find out, (if in the future)
you'd probably been seen as someone who has no respect for them.
If you feel uneasy about going, i suggest not to do anything that you dont feel good doing.
This will only make the situation worse and you will carry some guilt.
Its up to your girlfriend to eventually face her family (which is not easy) however these things must be done in stages and with respect.
Goodluck!
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