A
female
age
22-25,
*heAdvisor
writes:Please help me!!!I had been going out with this guy for 2 years until he dumped me round 7-8 months ago. The reason for this was because he asked me if I'd have sex with him and I said no because we're waaayyy too young, (we're both 13)He said that if I loved him, I should be trying to keep him happy. I said that I did, and he said, "so, let's have sex!"I said "no, C. It's dangerous. I could get pregnant, or you could get an infection.""If you love someone," he'd said, "you should want to take risks."I didn't answer, and then he just said, "oh, it's clear that you don't love me.""Yes I do." I'd said.He just laughed and said that I was a pathetic girlfriend and that he could do a lot better.I know I loved him, and I still do. I can't get over him. I keep thinking about him, and he's moved on. His new girlfriend is the most hateful little snob I've ever known; she's a bully, and she's known to be the fggest slutt in our year!So if he's moved on, why can't I?Do you think I should have had sex with him?Please help me!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (12 September 2014):
I don't like it when people say "oh you're only 13 you couldn't have been in love."
That's absolutely not true. Granted a 13 year old doesn't have a lot of experience to compare to, but they are as capable of love as anyone else.
It's possible he loved you. Two years is quite awhile. It's likely he was just super horny and sex is more important than live for him.
Either way it's nothing to worry about, you'll forget all about him.
A
male
reader, Forge +, writes (12 September 2014):
 Whoa, no, don't go back to him. You can't move on because you were with him, and got attached (which is normal).
You did the right thing to not have sex with him. Your point was well stated.
Whoever this guy was, he's scum, not to mention a moron for trying to have sex with you. All he wants is to get laid. He should have been happy just to be with you, let alone have your undivided love.
Please, just realize that he isn't the smartest guy around, and that he isn't good to be around.
Just keep away from him. He's dumb, you aren't. Keep it that way.
-Førg€
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (11 September 2014):
 If he loved you he wouldn't pressure you into sex. Look at how soon he left you when he didn't get what he wanted! If he loved you he would be committed to you, not leave you because you refuse to have sex which is both illegal, and could have disasterous repercussions.
13 is way, way too young for sexual intercourse and in no way is a 13 year old mature enough or developed enough either physically or emotionally to cope with sex, its possible consequences or its dangers.
As for your love for him - firstly, I don't want to sound harsh, but you are 13, a mere child. Talk of love is a little premature coming from someone so young. You had a crush and he tried to use that to get sex. Secondly - love does not mean you should take risks as he put it or give in to the demands of others.
This vile guy was trying to manipulate you. By making out YOU had a problem and were to blame or had to prove you loved him by giving him sex is vile. Makes me sick! Then he played the age old trick of saying "Okay if you wont give me sex you are a pathetic Gf and I can do so much better!" In an obvious attempt at making you give in. Im glad you didn't.
Think of his new girlfriend - probably already having sex she doesn't want, and no doubt it wont be long before she is 14 with a kid and he dumps her the minute she is pregnant. If she wants to go down that route then let her but you are much better off without him. She might act like she is soooo special for landing this guy but she will end up either pregnant, used, regretful or infected.
He said love means taking risks? Come again? Like what? Risking getting pregnant and/or catching a disease and ruining your whole life at the tender age of 13 so he can have a few minutes pleasure then walk away? I think not.
Ive just read your follow up - you may have been together for two years but look you are 13 and been together since you were kiddies of 11. You are kids, children really no matter how grow up you feel right now.
What you need to learn and seem to have already learned thankfully is that in life we often get manipulated, played, used and have our emotions used for other peoples gain. When it comes to sex and teenage girls men and boys will use every trick in the book to get it. He may be the first to use such techniques on you but he wont be the last! Judge men and boys on their actions not their words. "Love" is used so often by lads trying to get sex. Guess what OP? Once they have either got you pregnant or found someone else to enjoy squirting inside they show you just how deep their love is by ditching you on a whim.
Congrates on being a sensible, mature person who made absolutely the right choice.
Mark
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A
female
reader, TheAdvisor +, writes (11 September 2014):
TheAdvisor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Sageoldguy, and YouWish.
The guy is 13 like me.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 September 2014):
 No, you were right in denial. you are the one to give or not give. You were strong and very admiriable. It's too bad there ar not more girls like you. That way there would be far fewer 'unwanted' babies in the world. Now if he has what he wants from someone else...oh well
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 September 2014):
 You did the RIGHT thing!
If he loved you, he wouldn't pressure you. If he loved you, he wouldn't call you "pathetic" for not giving him sex. I'm curious as to what his age is, because if you two were together and you were 11, does this mean that the guy was pressuring you to have sex at AGE 12?!
He is not worth another single thought about him. He mistreated you, tried to strongarm you into sex, and verbally abused you when he didn't get what he wanted. You think he would have used protection? No way! Guys who loves girls don't love them for what they can do for their penises. Don't have sex until you are ready, and that should be many years from now.
You didn't mention his age, which if he's older than you, then he thought he'd take advantage of your young age to get away with what an older girl would have laughed at him for, the "If you love me, you'd..." trick. If someone ever tries that again, tell them, "If you loved ME, you wouldn't be pressuring me."
Bravo to you for saying no. The guy is a bottom-feeder.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): Just reading the title I know the answer is no.
If he dumps you for that reason, he has done you a favour. The right man/boy will wait for when it's right with you
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2014):
 I swear... that old "...if you love me, then you'll put out for me..." line is SO OLD that it predates the printing press... hieroglyphics.... and cave drawing....
I wouldn't be surprised to learn that when the first fishes left the primordial soup/water and slithered up on to the beach... the male didn't turn to the female and say that to her!!!!!
You were wise to not fall for it.....
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A
female
reader, TheAdvisor +, writes (11 September 2014):
TheAdvisor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAwww, thank you all sooooo much, you're right! I don't need that loser! He can go and lick the scum off the bottom of my shoe!!!!
It's just, I thought that because we were together for 2 years, I thought that he felt something for me. Thank you all so very, very much! Love you all!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2014):
 No you should NOT have had sex with him.
At 13, it really IS way too young to start having sex. You knew that then and I think you know that now. You mind and you body isn't ready for what CAN happen (such as pregnancy) and it won't be for a few good years.
When someone tries to manipulate you into doing things you don't WANT to do (such as him pulling the whole IF you love me....) you need to stick to your guns. You need to BE OK with saying no. And it seems that you do. Don't start doubting yourself now.
See how fast he dropped you when you didn't want to have sex? Do you REALLY think HE loved you if he did that?
IF he had really loved you (and actually KNEW what love is, I don't think he does... I think he knows what LUST is and that is NOT the same as love) - anyways, IF he loved you he would have respected the fact that you are NOT ready for sex. And he would have waited til you were ready, even if that took years.
You are dealing with a boy who is getting hit with massive amount of male hormones, which makes him horny. I swear boy at that age are momentarily stupid for a few years due to the hormones (some girls too mind you...)
Dating should really BE the least of your concerns at age 13. I have a 14, a 12 and a 10 year old daughter, none of them date. It's not that I don't allow it but I have expressed WHY I think they should wait with all these grown up complications. At 10-16 very few kids are ready for what comes with dating. But essentially they are STILL kids. ENJOY being a kid, it won't be long before you can't do THAT anymore. Be a kid, don't HAVE a kid.
The whole dating thing.... There really is no hurry. Who you might like or even love at 13 is NOT who you will love at 18 or 25...
YOU did the right thing. You didn't succumb to peer pressure and manipulation from a boy. GOOD for you. BE PROUD of yourself.
Now he MIGHT get another girl to do what he wants, and she will regret it... And if they are "unlucky" and she becomes pregnant... so will he, for the rest of his life.
If you were one of MY girls, I'd be pretty darn proud of you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 September 2014):
 The words "if you loved me you'd ...." are the surest sign in the world that the guy is a selfish ass. As far as he's concerned it's all fun and it feels good -- he doesn't recognize any consequences for him. As you very rightly pointed out to him you potentially face all sorts of very serious real-world consequences. You should be immensely proud of yourself, and in the future when you look back you will be. If you'd given in he'd of moved on soon anyway, and you'd be left even more distressed than you are today. Instead you have your dignity, your pride your reputation and your virginity intact. When you meet a guy who treats you right (and you will as long as you keep standing up for yourself)he's going to be one lucky guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): No, you did the right thing in not having sex with him. He would have dumped you anyway once he had gotten what he wanted. He sounds like the type of guy who is only interested in sex, if he's dating the most promiscuous girl in your class, and doesn't care she has a bad personality. At least this way you didn't get used. Also, CMMP is right. You don't actually love him, you just want his approval.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 September 2014):
Dear OP,
You completely did the right thing there. I am sorry you were with such an ungrateful little b*tch of a boyfriend and I'm sure he and his new girlfriend "deserve" each other.
Look, if he had really loved you, he wouldn't have tried to push you beyond your boundaries. You felt it was too early for sex (and I totally agree with you!! a 100%) and he didn't respect your feelings and tried to nag and nag until you gave in. That's such bad behavior and I admire you for not giving in.
I think you should be proud of yourself. There are a lot of guys like him, that will try to make you feel guilty for not satisfying each and every wish of theirs. You need to get past them to find a good man that will appreciate your efforts, but respect your boundaries. Don't get stuck with a bully.
I recommend you listen to "Best thing I never had" by Beyoncé or "Survivor" or some other really encouraging music. I suggest you try to see the positive side of this and be proud of your courage and the strength that you proved to be yourself.
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A
female
reader, TheAdvisor +, writes (11 September 2014):
TheAdvisor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, but I was not begging for him to be with me, in fact I blank him, and I haven't said a word to him since.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 September 2014):
Of course you shouldn't have. That goes without saying.
Regarding why you can't get over him, it's probably because you got dumped. Being rejected plays tricks on your brain to make you think you want the other person when you really only want their approval.
Hence the reason people often beg for the other person to take them back then when they do the begger often decides they don't actually want to be with them anymore.
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