A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my husband cheated/cheats on me. Last year I was pregnant, most of the time he was working, work functions,etc. After my son was born in February he slowed down. But there's this one cell number that always appears on his itemised billing. He said at first his friends/colleages use his phone? Then we sorted out our problems in End April, He changed a hell of a lot, I can't remember when last I felt so happy, we were happy. Then one night an sms came through and I couldn't open it from this particular number. He again denied it. Then again in September I seen four missed calls from this number. I got so upset, thinking if he knows nothing why does this number keep on appearing. I tried calling and they didn't answer. He promised he knew nothing. He said if he wanted to cheat on me he wouldn't drag me into it? Well after he promised he knew nothing one month later, I got the itemised billing and seen 4 sms (this is when he works ), I called the number, finally someone answered and it was a woman, she said she doesn't know the cell number which sms to/from. I call my husband now, he still denies it. Now I don't want to ruin things, we are happy. Do you think I should investigate further or must I leave it.? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): I think that sounds like a good plan - the fact you can sit down and have a conversation like that is a really positive sign. I sincerely hope all that he tells you is true and that life continues to be great for both of you - and your kids. Have a lovely wedding anniversary - try to forget all this for that day and enjoy each other! Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLast night myself and mu husband had a talk. He denies ever chatting to a woman. His reason is that he had no interest in our marriage, he would not waste my time nor his.He says he would let me go as cannot pretend to be someone he is not.He says he loves me and his kids,he also says he wants to give us a better life as well. Thats why the past few months has been good,especially now that I have decided to support him. I love him and want to believe him. If he is telling the truth let me just try to go past this stage. But I have warend him that I cannot allow a man to mess me around and never will! Tomorrow is our 9th Wedding anniversary. I pray that I am making the right decision. I am not letting my guard down, I am going find out what happened. I believe that the dirt has to come out of the clothes and life is a circle.Therefore the truth always comes out. Lets see what happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Hi again, I know you're afraid - but the 'feeling' is already there so even if you decide to 'leave it' and carry on as normal you won't ever quite be able to shake the feeling that something isn't right. Having said that...are you thinking that he is currently NOT doing anything fishy and is fully committed to your marriage? If that's the case then maybe you should accept that and trust that - if you can. The problem I see is that IF he indeed did cheat or TRY to previously then there is something at fault within him...something he may not have fully dealt with. Perhaps he has realised what he was risking losing and has learnt his lesson...but if there are issues left undealt with what's to say he won't go down that path again in the future - if it's easier than facing/dealing with the problems within himself or the marriage? The first step he needs to take is to acknowledge the infidelity or the temptation to cheat...if he can't do that you guys won't be able to work through all this. This is assuning you're right and that this woman on the phone was in fact up to no good with him. Only you can decide if you persue this or not - I guess weigh up whether you need to right now, the pro's and cons etc. I'm here if you need to 'talk'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThks for the response. My gut tells me to carry on. But Im also afraid at the same time,Im with him for 12 years we have 3children and not once did I ever have this feeling. My gut tells me he tried but he failed with this other woman,it also tells me that I know that he loves me more now than ever?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): When I fell pregnant my husbad was initially ecstatic - but very soon after he changed completely. He was withdrawn, negative towards me, distant in every way. At one point I even asked him if he was having an affair with a particular work colleague... he denied it. When my child was born things improved... not a lot at first but after about 3 months things were great - we were a happy family and loving being parents together. I stopped worrying - put it down to him being anxious about becoming a Dad etc. Then - about 3 or 4 months later I just happened to have his phone and looked at his messages - not even sure why - but there it was, a fairly recent text from a woman telling him she'd just put clean sheets on the bed and would he like to come over and get them dirty again? I couldn't breath. As soon as he saw me he knew I knew, and that was just the tip of the iceberg! Long story short - I advise you to trust your instinct on this. If your gut is telling you there is something suspicious to this phone number that keeps coming up - chances are there is. I was right that my husband was cheating - the fact I said some other girl's name meant he could honestly say no I am not having an affair with blah blah.Since this I have had other 'gut feelings' about things and each time I have been proven right.So - to answer your question, yes you should investigate further. You are already doubting him - if you investigate and prove you are wrong fantastic... but if not, better to know.
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