A
female
age
41-50,
*ofia73
writes:hi i been with this man for 9 years, i use to live with him and his four kids they was bad and he got the other one with an other women i was all the time mad and i try to live by my self an other apartement. i lived there for 6 years but i keep him as hes my fiance and he start coming to me in my house so he can see me and spend the night.Two years later i have kids from him i got 2 kids from him now. I was living with the kids for 5 years by myself, he doesn't live with me, he come to see them and spend the night so this year we decide to move in together so I give up my house my job everything i truw my furniture my kids bad everything i soon as i move with him i'm not comfortable, the kids are not happy like they was with me and i just find out this problem every time i talk to him, it's like he knows everything, he's smart and if i have a problem with him he will scream more than me he got attitude.One day i was tired i couldnt take it any more he throw my paper on the floor and always when i clean the house i move something he give me hard time i got mad i call the van shuttel and i left to my sister's house it cost me 200 for the van shuttel as soon as i get there her husband he dont want me and the kids so i come back the next day to my kids father house u know what i find him doing...? he change the lock i couldn't get in only his older son was there and he opened the door by mistake. Imagine, i have baby with me she's 9 months how come this men do this? If something happening, where am I going to go with this 9 month old baby? She still need milk and food plus i dont have no money and he didnt care if the kids safe or not or i have the money or not and when he come back from work he pull my hair and told me to get out, i told him i dont have nowhere to go, call the cops then i say to him, im going to be here until I get a job and rent me a place, so the next day early in the morning he smacks me in my face and pull my hair and i was crying all day thinking about the four kids that i have, one in school 12 years old and that time he got to many test and i couldnt cut he's school because i did once when i left to my sister's house i come doing and i say i have to be smart im not going to fight with him im just going to clean and cook and take care of the kids, so i start talking me and him and when its nice day i take my kids to the park tell yesterday he always broke one of the kids toys and let them cry yesterday he broke my son power ranger toy and he's laghing and my son cry i dont like it me and him we fauth argue together and he say so what its fuking toys and i told him i know but that he like that toys that toys it's special and he seem's he dont understand, he always think im wrong and he's the best, he knows everything but i dont like to make my kids cry, i told him find another way to play with them.So my problem is we have an appointment to get married, i dont feel like I want to get married if with out the marriage we always fighting and arguing, i dont know i dont want to be with him the way he think i dont like it plus since when i get her i sleep in the floor me and the kids he couldnt go out and buy bed for me and him and kids he sleep in between bed i couldnt sleep with him there it to small for me and him and he alway working superviser he work double overtime and he still he dont have money i cant even invite any one to this house as its old, needs to be painted and clean i dont know i feel im lost i wish i can take my kids and live without him u think i should get married or not I'm 21 of this month
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female
reader, sofia73 +, writes (9 May 2007):
sofia73 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just want to take a moment and say thank u for ur help and realy it's true get my self together and make my kids happy and my self because living with this man it's like puting the water in the sund does'nt matter how much water u put u never see it thanx lot again
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (7 May 2007):
Just reading the first and second paragraphs and I already know my answer to your question:
Absolutely not, you should not marry him.
Now you'll try and explain how complex the reasons for staying with him are, etc. And my response will be that you should move back out, get a good job, and get your own place. Living with him has destroyed your sense of self, and he apparently is the selfish type who will never actually care for you beyond what you can do for him.
And then there are your children. Your life, from the moment you had a child, became that of caretaker for them. You must make your decisions based on what is best for your children, and a stable single parent household is better than an unstable two parent household.
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