A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex recently dumped me after an off and on relationship of 3 years. We had been arguing about small things and it was making us both unhappy, but I didn't want him to end things. Anyway, he dumped me about a month ago, and after the breakup he wanted to remain friends. I told him I couldn't b/c we tried that before, and it didn't work. So for a week or so we did the "no contact" thing, and then he ended up coming back to me, saying he wanted to try the relationship again, just take things slowly. So things were fine for a day, then I didn't hear from him for a while - I was pissed. So I asked him what was going on and he said he didn't know anymore...so we went back to the "no contact" rule. Well now I'm beginning to miss him a lot more. I've been thinking a lot about whether I should suck it up and try being just his friend (even though it hurts because I want more) or if I should break off all contact with him so he will know what he's missing and hopefully come back. I know it sounds silly...I really want him back. I miss him so much. I really truly love him and want another shot at a relationship with him. I don't want him to find someone else. I fear if we are just friends, maybe that's all we'll stay...but I fear if I break off contact with him we'll grow far apart. I still want him in my life, but I'm not going to be his friend/sit there while he pursues someone else. I guess I'm not quite sure what to do, and was wondering if anyone has any ideas? I miss him and want to be able to be his friend, but with all the feelings I have for him, it might be difficult. I don't understand how he can just go from the "lovers to friends" stage, while I'm having a difficult time. Do you think he wants to be friends so we have a chance at getting back together or do you think he wants to just stay friends so he doesn't feel so bad? I'm quite lost and confused...I've been thinking about what to do for a week and am still stuck. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dazednconfsed +, writes (7 November 2008):
i'm actually in the same situation. it sounds to me like hes confused; like hes not sure what he wants. the thing is, this could eventually turn into a cycle for you were you're together one day and not the next. so i think you should leave him alone and not talk for a while. as much as its hard for you, try not to contact him and if he contacts you, ignore him until he makes up his mind. i know its hard it itll hurt if he doesnt want to be with you, but at least youll know your answer because if you keep going through a cycle you'll just end up getting in the long run. hope this helps
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