A
female
age
36-40,
*sha4676
writes:hello me and my boyfriend have been together since i was 12 it started out as just puppy love but blossomed in to the real thing. all of a sudden he ups and leave me without any warning and yet i still love him. it's been 2 months since he left i still see him because we have 2 kids and i am currently pregnant, now how can i get him back? do you think he left cause he can.t handle the pressure of having another child or in my case more children cause i'm having twins Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Is there anything recent that sent him over the edge? Lots of 'too busy to talk', and lots of petty arguments. Does he feel that nothing is just 'his'. He cannot have had much time to himself all through his teen years. Same for you, you both took on so much grownup responsibility while you were both teens. Maybe once a month the two of you could schedule a date with each other, without the children? Because if you two are ever going to be able to reconnect there are some things that will have to change. You both needs to cut some slack for each other and make being together a little more caring and sharing time together and simetimes time to yourselves, without each other. Think if you can develop a hobby that is nit expensive, but gives you joy? Maybe start doing the family tree? Maybe he feels he missed out on just simple no strings fun, such as fishing all day, going to rock concerts etc. Maybe he needs scheduled 'just for him' time, as you also may need. Time when you can go for a walk alone. Or visit a art gallery just for you. Or something that you would enjoy, without children in tow. Can you meet him, without the children, and with no blame, ask him what is the matter, and what he needs from you. Make sure he knows you love and adore him and want to understand what has brought him to this decision. Do not add in any blame comments and no guilt comments about the children missing him yet. Try to stay calm, no yelling, no tears. Your man is hurting really bad. The children do not to hear and see their parents in distress. Remember this is an adult problem that can only be resolved by the adults. . Does he drink excessively to dull his pain, and/or is he prone to depression? Some men react in sympathy to a pregnancy and go off the rails. Dont gloss it over or minimise it, for if it is depression that is serious. And is there a male in the family who respects him, talks calmly, and is prepared to listen to him, without judgement? Because if he is depressed he needs help now, before it becomes worse. Right now he would be missing his children and be consumed with pain, shame and guilt at not seeing them. Yes you are shouldering too much alone, mother to two and one on the way, and you do need support. But dont forget how devastated inside he must have felt to leave you all at this time. Does he have a regular job? Is he in danger of retrenchment? Do you have high credit card debt? Do you agree on a budget, and stick to a budget? Or is one of you a spendthrift and the other not? All that can send the best of men to the edge. Is there anyway you can calmly discuss those issues? The financial pressures on you both must have been huge. What you have achieve together so far is awesome, and is to the credit of both of you, He's been with you for 10 years, you have 2 children and one more on the way. He must feel overwhelmed, as may you, by so much responsibility at such a young age. I know guys aged 25 who still shrink from the thought of settling down, being loyal and faithful to one partner and having just one child. Your guy has shouldered so much. Maybe he feels he comes last in the pecking order, after the children, and after you. .
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