A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I really am crushing on this boy at my uni. It has been going on for quite some time but I don’t see him very often – maybe once or twice a month. Sometimes I don’t see him for a few months. We have very different classes and schedules. We have spoken a few times in the past. There is always a ‘flirty’ kind of spark to our conversations but I am not very confident at all and always run the other way when I see him coming. The problem is that I am unable to remain calm at all. I have some kind of social anxiety at the best of times, without having a crush on someone. My heart feels like it is coming out of my chest and I feel as though I will stammer and stutter my words and make a fool of myself, so I try my best to avoid him.We have locked eyes on several occasions walking past each other in the corridor and I have noticed he has had like a shocked expression on his face, eyes wide etc. He has called me ‘gorgeous’ before and winked at me a couple of times when I have smiled at him.I wish I could be more like my friends; they don’t see what the problem is, they say just talk to him he is human like you are and goes to the toilet like you do!!Anyways so the other week I was stood talking to my class mates and he walked by. He didn’t see me as I was kind of hidden behind my friend. He said hello to my friend and carried on walking. When his back was turned I winked at my friend and giggled silently, blushing at the same time. He then turned his head round and clocked me doing this. I was mortified and could have died on the spot. My friend said he had a grin on his face. After that I avoided anywhere he was likely to be. Until the other week I bumped into him and he was kind of swaggering towards me. I said ‘Hi’ and he said ‘Hi’ and made random small talk. The other day we had a lady selling cosmetics in the hall and I was stood by it having a look. He walked past and said to me “I thought I would find you here!” and I said “what do you mean by that? I wear lots of make-up?” and as he was walking off, he said something like “No, not at all - you are totally beautiful….” And something else but I was in shock so didn’t hear the rest. Now I feel even more nervous at bumping into him. Frightened that I am going to be a heart pounding, red-faced, stuttering, nervous wreck. How can I control this? Does he actually like me as in like me, or is he humouring me, as in just flirting because he knows I am a jabbering wreck?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): I think that it sounds like you are attracting players. I say this because you are SO terribly shy, that perhaps the only men you get attention from are the ones like your crush, who just come up to you and tell you you are beautiful. Nothing wrong with that, but often the sweet-talkers are also players, so beware of that. You aren't the only girl he's saying this to, you can be sure of that. As I say, I get the vibe that this man is very confident, which is why you've had any communication at all, he just comes up to you and flirts. Beware of this type. Have a fun flirtation, but you need to develop some confidence so that you can actually get to know a decent guy who doesn't just start sweet-talking a lady, but actually tries to get to know her.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 February 2017):
 You are exaggerating this out of all proportion. It sounds like you have been reading too many Mills and Boon stories.
If you want to be sure then ask him to join you for a coffee. It is allowed.
Step out of your dream fantasy world and start to make it real.
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