A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, when do you realize you're just picky and when do you realize you're better off alone?I've never been able to stay in a long term relationship because I'll bail for reasons I think are completely legitimate. However, my friends are now telling me that I'm being too picky and I'll end up alone. I like to think that I just haven't met the right person yet....It's true that I'd like to be with someone and not be alone. I would definitely not miss out on opportunities and I would give relationships a chance. But at the same time, the reasons I've bailed out is that I don't think I could be happy in those relationships. And if I'm not happy, then I know that the other person wouldn't be happy (lol). And the relationship would probably get ugly, and in that case, wouldn't it be better to be happy alone?So where is that line? How do you know if you're being too picky? I personally think that even if I AM being too picky, that I'm still justified in breaking off the relationship until I fix my own mentality. I don't know. Maybe I've valuing myself too much (LOL). Okay but honestly, when I see other people in healthy stable relationship, I see that nothing is ever perfect. That they deal with issues that I know I've broken up with people over. That's what legitimately worries me. How do you know when to stick it out and make it work, and when to bail and forget about it and embrace singlehood? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Well, you should always embrace singlehood when you're single, as a married person should embrace being married. It's when you're never happy and think the grass is always greener that you'll never be happy.I don't think you're being picky, but I do think you're overanalyzing things. A relationship has no chance when you're already searching for the imperfection in it. That's a defense mechanism so that you can avoid getting hurt. Guess what? EVERYONE gets hurt! No one is perfect. Every relationship will have its moments where both of you work at it. But why is that a reason to bail and not try in the first place??I'm assuming that you're wanting a long term relationship. It takes RISK. It takes work, but when you're really in love, it's worth it! I can honestly assess that you've never been in love with someone who's been in love with you. That's what's missing from your line of thinking. And you have to LET yourself be in love. You can't always be in control, and love is a type of surrender.
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