A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,soo, there's this guy that i've been on-again-off-again with for a little over a year now. i love him soo much; more than i've ever loved anybody before. he's the first guy that i ever seriously thought that i would end up marrying, he's the first guy that i ever had sex with...he's pretty much everything to me. the funny thing is, i couldn't have been any less interested in him when we first met--i seriously wanted nothing to do with him. buuut he ended up asking me out on a date, and for some reason, i decided that i didn't want to hurt his feelings and agreed to go, reasoning that i could always tell him that i just wanted to be friends at the end of the night. buuut one thing led to another, and before i knew it...i was falling for him like i had never fallen for anybody before.we've had our share of issues in the time that we've known each other. at the start of our relationship, those issues were being caused by outside circumstances that were totally beyond our control; we actually ended up having to break up shortly after the beginning of our relationship. we got back together after a little over a month, though, and things were perfect. but after a couple of months, our relationsihp started struggling; he started saying that he wasn't happy and basically just totally shut me out. we broke up about two months later, but we stayed friends and still saw each other often (and even continued having intercourse and such). finally, i convinced him that we should at least start "talking" again, just to see what happened. however, i could never get him to agree to go any further than that.although there were a few more squabbles, we still kept "talking." that is, until a few weeks ago, when he said that we should just "take it slower and see what happens." i asked him what exactly that meant, and he responded that it meant "be friends."even now that we're apparently "just friends," he still keeps me on a pretty tight leash. he's invited me to spend the night at his house and do things with him and his family every weekend since then, and i can't ignore him for more than a few days without him flipping out. every time i tell him that i'm "with friends," he automatically assumes that i mean "i'm with other guys." he gets bent out of shape whenever i text someone around him, and it just generally seems like he doesn't like the thought of me becoming involved with someone else.i've had people who know him really well tell me that they think that he's just not ready to be serious right now...but they think that when he is ready, he's going to want to be serious with me. i'd like to believe that, but i find it hard to do...because once upon a time, he didn't have any problem whatsoever being serious.basically, what i'm trying to figure out here is how he seriously feels about me...because honestly, i really have no clue. i mean, i kind of feel like if he truly loved me, he wouldn't resist actually getting back together with me and being the way that we used to be. but then again, i feel like if he didn't have some form of love for me, he would have totally turned me loose a long time ago.based on all of this information, what is your honest opinion of his feelings for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjanniepeg,
thanks for your answer! and you're right--he definitely does have a negative association with relationships. i didn't mention this in the question, but before he met me, he had been involved with this other girl on and off for about a year; they were even engaged at one point. but the thing with her is that she cheated on him ALL the time...and he still brings that up a lot and admits that he doesn't trust me or anyone else because of it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 He has feelings for you but somehow he has this negative association with relationships. He does not respect or trust women in general or believes that women would take advantage of him in a relationship. What he is doing now is cuffing you. He knows he is not good enough for you and can't compete with real men, but becomes insecure should you find that real man in life and dump him. A good friend is not possessive like that. He can't even be a good friend. Because you are just friends (not really), you have no obligation to explain yourself. If you want to cut him loose you can do so. You talk to him about what you want then confirm that he's not able to offer the things you need. You do that for your own resolution.
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