A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just out of curiosity, do you ever have sex like a pornstar? If so, how often? All the time? Once in a while? Special occasions? (And by pornstar sex, I'm talking about stuff you would expect to see in a fairly vanilla porn video - no insane, demeaning, weird fetish fantasies) Just asking because you'll often notice here on Dear Cupid, people will write things like "real sex is nothing like porn" yet in conversation with people, typically other males, but many females as well, you'll hear about the 'crazy, wild, fun' they had the other night and, when described further, sounds like a full-length porno.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 June 2011):
 The last time I attempted something inspired by a Porn position my lover wanted to try...I was willing for fun.
It did not take long for him to realize I was not having fun. If I was not having fun, I was not fake-moaning to the sky, so we gave up and went back to what worked best for us.
I even laughed, "that sure LOOKED more fun than it actually was!".
The best sex I ever had was when my lover and I were really into each other, looking in our eyes, interested in pleasing each OTHER, not just ourselves, and laughing here and there just ENJOYING the moment. It was so good, I actually told him "Thank You."
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 "real sex is nothing like porn"
A lot of people on DC say this, because porn is not about love, romance, relationship, commitment or emotion.
Porn is about the physical release only, and MAINLY for the male ego and titilation.
99% of mainstream porn is about the man. It is about how the man is pleasured, how many orifices he can stick his penis in, and the visual aspects of shooting cum over faces, boobs and a womans body, turning her into an object for sex, not a loving partner.
There is no care for the other person, its just sex.
As Gabrielle says, its all fake. Scripted, choreographed, tweaked to make it 'just right' for the male ego.
Sex in a relationship is about partnership, being a team, knowing that both parties should be equal.
If you treat a woman like she is a pornstar and only their for your pleasure, sooner or later she will feel used.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Interesting question! I had a few thoughts about this one.
First and foremost, most guys don't last as long as pornstar men do, which I suspect many of those encounters are the result of more than one sex act, meaning that it may look like the man's having sex for 88 minutes, but it's not quite like that. Either way, most guys don't last the 600 position extravaganza they show on one of those porn movies.
Second, like Gabrielle pointed out (btw...really great post!) all that scream moaning is an act. I often wondered how much of that was a cover for pain and discomfort.
Third, real, uninhibited sex is so much more amazing. Remember, porn star sex is depicted as easy, casual sex between multiple partners. Guys use porn but completely disrespect the stereotype. Look up questions about whether or not a man would date a porn star or prostitute, and the answer is very much in the negative for the most part.
The whole "crazy, wild, fun" sex thing sounding like a porno - of course it would if porn was the primary source of sexual release. But when it's not, crazy, wild, and fun is so much better than exhibitionist stuff by the plastic bombshells who do it for a living.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): Gosh Gabrielle, that's amazing. What an insight, thanks for that.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 No! the stuff you see in porn is vapor---it's all a figment of imagination- actually porn stars dislike sex as much as other people do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): yes!! I have sex like a pornstar, and know what you mean!! I quite enjoy the whole acting out process. I like my partner alot, but we do enjoy dirty sex. it makes him feel good, and it makes me feel good, so why not? there are still feelings involved, but it just happens to be the sort of mad , and wild sex we both enjoy. I feel fully satisfied and relaxed afterwards, and belive me - that takes alot as I am quite demanding. I feel more attractive, wanted and loved by this guy than I have with others. I did not think the two things ( eg. wild sex and love) would go hand in hand, but they do. xxx
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Having sex like a porn star is like not having sex, if you see what I mean. If you take the question literally, all a porn star is doing is their jobs, they probably don't have any emotional attachment to the person. So, to enjoy sex at home, don't do it like a porn star!
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Once upon a time, a long long time ago and in a city far far away from here, I did have sex 'like a porn star' because, well, I was one. That is to say, I appeared in porn movies, I doubt 'star' would be applicable by any stretch of the imagination.
Here's a few things you need to know about sex like a pornstar:
1. It's not very sexy. There is a camera crew present, a director and assistants. That is, about 6-7 people at any given time.
2. Some of these people are telling you what to do. If, like me, you resent that, it's not very enjoyable
3. The filament light makes things hotter and sweatier than they already are (this factor may have reduced in this age of digital HD cameras)
4. Males in porn have larger than average penises. Some are obscenely big - and the damned director wants that penis to be stuck into orifices that were not designed for having large objects inserted into them. It is PAINFUL.
5. If, despite all of the above, you still manage to start having a good time, you can expect that a director or camera person will ask you to "let's try that again" or "didn't get a good angle" or "Ok, stop that now. Change position". This breaks the momentum and ruins the mood completely
6. You're expected to moan with pseudo-pleasure even if you are more inclined to cry or, as it usually was in my case, laugh. That's why they're called porn actresses - a lot of it IS acting.
So if sex in real life is in any way enjoyable - no, you're not having sex like a pornstar, and that's generally a good thing.
In real life, I do a lot of stuff that would get me branded as a skank or worse if I went into greater details (well I aleady am, probably). And I enjoy it. In porn, it felt like a chore and wasn't enjoyable.
I don't know if that answered your question, but it may have given some perspective, hopefully.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Define "sex like a porn star" and I'll let you know. What people mean by real sex being different is that people prefer sex with someone they love and care about, whereas in porn it's just sex and no feelings involved, and no gang banging or weird fetishes involved, or illegal things...I guess you need to define what "sex like a porn star" really is. Sex is sex after all, and we're all capable of having it, so what difference are you referring to? I don't think anyone lusted over the pizza delivery guy, and no pizza delivery guy comes delivering without a shirt on. To my knowledge...Few of us enjoy sex with a crew of camera men watching... uhm. Yeah, you need to define this one a bit better.
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