A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for almost 11 years. He is 17 years my senior. We have been married 2 years. About 7 years ago, he had a stroke. Our joint sex life stopped. Since then, he wants me to perform on him, with no regard to me. It all has to do with the stroke and I know this, but I need affection. It isn't the intercourse I miss, it is the affection that is totally nonexistent in our life. He just can't understand it at this point and never will.Now to thicken the plot, this other man my age had started calling me. He is a friend of sorts, but would just call me out of the blue. Finally, I asked him what his calls were all about. The answer was great after all of the years of a non sexual relationship, here was someone who is interested in me. We have not had sex, but we are intimate and passionate. He is also married in a similar situation as I am with a partner not capable. Feelings I haven't had in so long have popped up and at times I feel out of control. This has subsided somewhat, but is still in very fast gear. In so many ways, I wish this man would have left me alone, but in so many others these feelings are amazing and I never want them to end (though they will). Neither one of us want to break up our marriages as we know our spouses need us. We will both be caring for our spouses as their needs increase. So in many ways I feel like we have been thrown together for this reason to support each other. So, do I keep on with this man or do I send us both back into our regular lives?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind answer. Because this man and I run in the same group, I do know of his spouses problem, but I did not know the extent. And yes, we have both agreed to keep this between us only. It would be terrible if anyone we knew found out. And again, your answer is greatly appreciated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Honestly, I think you should keep on with this man. You deserve to be satisfied and happy. As long as hes in a similar situation and really wants to be with you, you should go for it.
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A
male
reader, Compartmentalizing +, writes (2 August 2010):
This is a great question, and one that tugs at my heart strings. It's far to often you see a couple where one of the partners is sick and can't perform their half of the bedroom duties and the other just up and leaves. I love to hear that you love your husband enough to take care of him as he progressively worsens. Not everyone will agree with this advice, however I would make certain that the gentleman you are talking to is indeed in the same situation you are in. If his wife cannot perform, and you are in fact in the same situation, I would say go for it. However, as I say that, I would put one stipulation on it, you can't tell a soul, and you have to make sure no one gets hurt.
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