A
female
age
30-35,
*ennaf65
writes:i really like this guy but we are both afraid of becoming too close due to our distance. do long distance relationships ever really work? in this case both people would be as devoted as possible.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2011):
 they can work. BUT there are some pretty concrete rules. The biggest one to me is that there is an END to the LDR.
I can do anything for a finite time. My LDR BF and I see each other EVERY weekend for anywhere from 1-3 nights... we started out much slower than that... but NOW... we need to touch base as often as possible so it's daily phone calls and emails and skype and visits every weekend and we KNOW that June 2012 is our drop dead moving in date.... IF we are BOTH ready before that we might do it sooner...
you must have communication, email, phone calls, skype, video chat, messegner... text... it's crucial. and it has to go both ways...
have trust, have faith, have honesty.
and in MY opinion until you actually MEET and spend TIME together it's not a real relationship.... ONCE you are together in the same space even if you have to be apart again... then you can consider it a relationship.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (11 April 2011):
Anonymous female really has it right, it does depend a lot on circumstances.How long is the long distance? As in is it driveable every couple weeks or so? Or is it across oceans? How much would plane rides to see each other be? Is that feasible? If both of you are well off and can afford the time and money to see each other more frequently, it may be more likely to work. If you have to go 6 months to a year to see each other, it may be less likely to work. How long will the distance last? And why? Is one or both of you finishing school? Or is the time line completely ambiguous? Of course, the shorter the time you must be apart, the more likely it will work. Realistically, long distance relationships have it very very tough. The fighting can be worse since it's over text/msn/phone, you miss physical contact, it's lonely when you see other couples being able to hug and spend time together, and you just grow apart when you don't do things together. I had to undergo it all my relationships for some time, 2 of them didn't work out. But my current relationship (hopefully the last), will have to undergo some long distance since he's in the military. And it has worked, in small doses. If you're still in the early stages and the long distance will be for some time (1 year) and you cannot see each other on a fairly regular basis, I would recommend not pursuing a relationship. It will hurt, but you will be able to be free to find someone closer to you that you can actually go on dates with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): This is a topic very close to my heart!It completely depends on circumstance!if you have never met each other and the relationship has begun over text, email, phone calls etc then it could work as you wont have known any different. But at the same time how can you truly love and know a person without ever meeting them. You could be completely faithful and honest with them but they could be off with other people doing whatever they like and then telling you they have been good as gold?!I was in a LDR with my ex who moved to Australia from me in England. We had been together for 5 years but he had to move with his family. we broke up after about a year because the distance etc was just too much and he didnt know when or if he would come back and i didnt want to leave my family to go over there. this was 4 years ago and i still miss him and think of him every day :( but this shows to me that even the strongest and truest of loves cant survive when everything is against you!if your planning to move close to each other then this could work because you will have something to work towards etc but if things are just standing still and not moving forward them eventually you will loose your feelings for each other or simply not be able to stand the distance and the upset and choose to end it even though you still love the other person (like me and my ex)I hope you make it work but you both need to be serious and plan on being close one day as soon as possible!! Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Long distance works, but not forever. It works only as long as you have a set time frame for how long the distance will last, and how you will get close to each other after this time. Long distance relationships can only be temporarily. But yes, they work, when both parties want it to work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Many (likely most) long distance relationships don't work because they require both parties to make bigger sacrifices for less reward.
Unless and until you two have plans to relocate to be together in person there is no point in making any big commitments. If neither one of you is serious enough about the other to uproot then neither of you should expect the other not to date other people.
There are plenty of people in your area to date that you needn't wait on someone who is out of town.
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A
female
reader, SerenadeStarsRocks +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I was in a long distance relationship before and I believed he was the one. I mean my ex and I were together for the total of two years till The Break up DUE OF LACK OF COMMUCATION.
The biggest con of a long distance relationship is lack of commucation if not careful.
I once thought that a long distance relationship will last, but no it does not and it tooken me a real broken heart to realize that.
I'm glad that I did broke up with my ex, cuz if i didnt i wouldnt have found my one and only soulmate close by where i lived.
Find someone close to you. You will be more happier.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Ok well as for me ive had a boyfriend of long distance for 7 years.....he lives 80 miles away frm me....and it's been great! I say give your selfs a chance it will work....love conquers all!
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Hi.
I think that they can work, and that if you are willing to put forth the colossal effort required, absolutely!
However, I personally would talk to that person and keep my options open until you are absolutely positive you want to commit.
Think of it like marriage. From a human psychology perspective, you have to sleep with the person and live with the person to truly know the kind of person you are going to marry.
You cannot commit to someone long distance when you have no idea who they really are.
I could tell you that I am a good Christian man that has never had sex, and I know that, under all conditions, that I could make you believe it. This being the case, even though I am an agnostic that just finished spanking and anally destroying a female friend of mine in my van, because we liked the idea of having a chance getting caught.
My point is not that he is a sex pot, a psycho, or a complete liar. However, until you meet someone in person and get to know them very well by talking to them face to face over a long period of time, you don't truly know who they are.
They could be lying, not about the whole thing, but about certain parts. Yeah I'm 225 and I have a six pack. No, I have a 4 almost six. Small stuff. I make 80 grand a year. No, I got laid off of a job where I made 80 grand a year. Ah, gotcha! I was going to eventually make 80 grand, assuming I went through a probationary period successfully, and I actually was only making 30 grand. See, right there. You would never have known. That is 50,000 dollars a year less. Money isn't everything, but it says a lot about the kind of life you would be committing yourself to. In one instance, you think you are going to have enough money for the kids you plan on having with this great guy. Oh, he is awesome, doesn't smoke, etc. WEll, actually at the time he didn't smoke, but he likes to beleive he can quit at will, only to pick it up again in a month when he feels like getting stoned. Now, you have fallen in love with a man who fibbed about his job history that is half committed to the idea of stopping getting high.
In a very much shortened nutshell of what I am saying, do not commit to something you have not given your five senses to fully analyze themselves, because chances are, something is going to be different. They always are.
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