A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I posted before about contemplating a possible involvement with an engaged coworker or to stay with my fiance. Luckily, I did not act on the crush as she did not feel the same and put a halt to it, although you can say it came pretty close and many feelings developed, too many in fact. I'm definitely not over this crush as I still think about her a lot. After reading all of the great answers, i've come to a new difficult decision that of course I can only make on my own, but I seek your advice.Do I confess to my fiance that I have a crush at work - to deal with it now to see if the relationship can be saved? (This will likely sever the engagement, we've also had trust issues in the past on my fault). Or, do I get over it internally, not tell her, and hope these rejected infatuation feelings go away naturally?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Dear Poster
You will get many different answers and many different opinions on this question. From your posting I understand that there have been trust related problems in your relationship. I suggest that you go for counseling, it seems as if you have some problems and issues to deal with; with the guidance of your counselor you need to get your life on track and you need to decide if you want to be committed or not? Then I suggest you need to talk to your partner and be honest with her about all the skeletons; don't let them come as surprises later in your life(it can be devastating; she deserves to know the truth before she agrees to be committing the rest of her life with you; HONESTY is vital, so is communication; The two of you need to communicate about this and about the future of your relationship. If need be, should you both want to continue and are committed to this relationship and each other; if you love, respect and trust each other enough, but have problems in dealing with certain issues, go for couples counseling. In fact I will advice and strongly suggest that you do that before you would consider continue to get married.
Face the problems now, don't delay the agony or hope it will vanish. It might seem difficult and tough, but I believe this will trouble you; unless you resolve it the proper and correct way, you might never find true happiness and peace of mind.
Best wishes and be strong and lots of SMILES to you! Keep us posted.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 December 2008):
 If you want to lose her and cause her pain in the attempt to make YOU feel better, then by all means tell her. If you are only with her because the "crush" isn't interested in you, then by all means stand up and be a big boy and let her go. You don't need to tell her that you are were just settling for her because you couldn't have the one you really desired. I feel for her.
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