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female
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*elp less
writes: i have been with my partner for 7 yrs, 3 of them living together, in those 3 yrs he has hit me twice while drunk as i hit him first. he is a good provider but lately i think i should go, he was verbally abusesive the other day while i was defending my daughter from his shouting,and i know he doesnt get on with her (shes 19) the youngest 14 yrs- waits up until we come home just in case we are arguing. im on edge most of the time especially when the eldest is at home. do i stay or go? the children are not his .x.
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female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
grab your kids get your stuff and leave!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Weither you are with this man or not it is your responsiblity to recognize you have anger management issues.
I think enrolling yourself in a course is a good start. Look it up online or in your yellow pages/directory.
I also think getting your two children in some family counselling is another thing to do. This will help them sort out their issues with your anger management.
It may be that you are a "better" parent when you are on your own as your anger management isn't challenged as no other male adult is around to act out your aggression and hurt.
Individual counselling for yourself as to why you would feel the need to be physically abusive would do wonders for your self recovery.
I think it is your decision if you are willing to work on this while with your partner or if you chose to separate.
I don't think he is the cause for the household discord.
Get some counselling for you and your family. Include the boyfriend; invite him.
You are now in the process of healing, growing, and changing and he must be a part of it.
Give it time and work on it.
I wish the best for you.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 I think you know the answer to this one..You have to leave not just for your sake, but for the sake of your children. This is not a good environment to bring children - of any age - up in, and the two of you at each other's throats will not be good role models.. boys will think it's ok to hit a woman, and the girls will too..not only that, but it will appear to them that all families should and do behave in this way, as they can't see outside their own personal experience. Perhaps not so much for the eldest, but she will be going through hell too, and be very afraid for you. Believe me, violence only gets worse if the problems behind it are not addressed, and you all seem - not surprisingly - unhappy. You only live once, so the sooner this episode is in the past, the sooner you can make a happier life on your own with your children. The police are very good in these matters, and have their own domestic violence teams to help you, so tell them first, take advice from the citizen's advice bureau, (I am assuming you are in the UK, but each country must have similar agencies) Be Happy, and keep safe, I would be interested to know how you go on..Take care.
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