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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I think , I might have to leave my marriage, but I'm so scared to do that.My husband makes me feel totally unloved, and I suffer everyday from this.I was trying to do a lot of self improvements, and I'm stronger now, and more confident, but I don't think I'm strong enough to live with him.He never looks at me with desire, never looks at me at all, or says I love you.I think he has something on his mind, but he might not even know what, as he is not very much in touch with himself.I tried many thing to bring out ,what is inside, but he remained closed.Now I don't think, I can do much more, to fix things. I also take care of myself, and I 'm looking good, as good as it is possible in that age. But he doesn't appreciates it at all. When we watch movies together , he always says wow she is beautiful.Well , I don't even care anymore. But is it going to be very hard to divorce? AND live alone, ?Yes i was not working, he had been a god provider, i feel bad about this too, as sometimes I feel , I'm only here for security...We have grown up kids, but it still hurts.,,We need to sell the house, and go thru all this things. I wish I could make it here, but I think I can't..? Two question, Should I go a head and divorce?1. Or is there anything else I can try to stay in this marriage+?2. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): "My husband makes me feel totally unloved, and I suffer everyday from this...He never looks at me with desire, never looks at me at all, or says I love you. I think he has something on his mind, but he might not even know what, as he is not very much in touch with himself."
I think your husband has become a hollow man. He has lost touch with himself and his emotions. Perhaps he is depressed with the way things have turned out in his life.
What have you done to alienate him so much? When did you refuse something he desperately wanted or when were you rude or thankless? It takes two to tango and you only reveal his faults and none of the background. I'm sure you both were different when you first met and started your relationship.
I think you both should talk to marriage counselors first to salvage what you have built together. You have grown children and I'm sure they will like their parents to remain together so it's best if you talk with specialists about what is the cause of your husband feeling alienated from himself and you. I think divorce is the final option when you have tried everything and it has not worked.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 I don't think you should just get divorced.
I think you should:
- go for counselling
or
(and this will sound radical)
- take a lover (that is what the French do, and the Italians, and from what I have heard, it often works)
You need someone to notice you, in every way. He has stopped doing this. Either he needs to start again, or someone new can do it for you.
I understand, though, why you don't want to waste your days, and agree that you shouldn't - but maybe you don't need to break up your life together. Hard to say.
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