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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I am a 23 year old man who is uncertain about how my fiancee feels about me anymore. A few months ago I was put in jail for about a week for mistakes I have made in the past. While I was detained my fiancee slept with my best friend. We worked things out, or so I thought, and continued on with our relationship, but lately I can't seem to stop thinking about it and wondering if I actually make her happy. She has become more distant than she was before we worked things out and I am at a loss about what to do. I want to show her how much I love her but I don't know how to talk to her. If anyone can help me with my problem, plz feel free to post advice. sincerely, anguished in Arizona
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): Cut her loose.
I am guessing that there were a lot of people available for her spring fling, but she choose your friend.
You get to the point of making "mistakes in the past" because you have the wrong thought process in the wrong environment. You need to ask if this girl is part of the wrong environment. Because its time for you to upgrade your environment if you dont want to go back to jail, and she may be part of the baggage that has to go....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2005): What she did was wrong. You need to talk to her about it . her distance could be her feeling gulty about what she did .She could be pulling away from you out of fear . Fear that you think less of her and that the closeness and love you two once had is change . The fact that your still with her says you truely love her . But some times people make mistakes when there uncertain of things . And the fact that you were in jail probly scared her in to wondering what she got her self in to. The fact that it was your best friend says alot . She probly turn to him because he is your close friend . so talk to her alone . Be honst on how it made you feel . Ask her why she did it and what she wants out of your two relationship . the fact that you two are planning to get married could be another factor . Maybe it was that she is scared of too . could be she was marred once before and it wasn't a good marrage . What ever the case maybe . to resolve this . the key thing is to talk to her . we are all human and are emotions are fragile so we need to express what it is thats inside of us . Y ou also may need to look back on the reltionship sometimes the begaing tells us the ending
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (16 November 2005):
 How were things between you and your fiancee before you were detained? It seems to me that perhaps all was not well for her to sleep with your best friend as you weren't in prison exactly long.
Of course you will be wondering if you make her happy as her previous actions seem to suggest otherwise. To add to it, your fiancee being distant will only increase the lack of communication between you and add to your worry.
It is time to talk again and open the communication channels even though at the moment you are uncertain as to how to talk to her. If you don't talk, this problem could get worse and more distance created and you need to know where you stand.
Ask her to be honest with you and talk about the future together. Does she see her future being with you? Ask her directly if she is happy being with you and the reason you ask is because you have noticed her being very quiet since you have returned. Explain to her how much you love and wish to express this to her but that you feel a certain distance between you that you would like to bridge.
I don't know if she explained the reasons to you as to why she slept with your friend and you may wish to place this firmly in the past in order to move forward but I do think it has some relevance to the present situation. Tactfully ask her if she does indeed want to be with you and not someone else. You need to know the truth otherwise you could be banging your head against a brick wall.
Suggest a quiet evening in where you are both relaxed and begin the discussion. Try to keep as calm as you can and discuss your future together.
I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2005): It sounds to me like this wedding your planning is a truly bad idea. Put it on hold, take back the ring stop calling her your fiance and sit down and talk. Often we end up drifting in to situations we are not extatic about because we are too apathetic to stop the proceedings. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who cheeted on me, but I am not everyone and I wouldn't suggest you dump her over that. Talk to her about why she did it, maybe she feels really guilty and that is why she is being distant towards you.
Take her to restaurant have a couple of bottles of wine, if you need to then write everything you feel down and give it to her to read. loving her wont make her love you but talking to her might help her show she loves you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2005): I think what your fiancee did to you was so incredibly wrong and uncalled for. No matter where you go, whether its jail, holiday whatever she should never do something like that. You must love her very much to let her back into your life. If she is being distant you should try and talk to her about how you feel and hopefully you will get some response from her. If you don't know how to talk to her I would suggest writing a letter. I do that all the time with my partner. Then there is no interuptions and you can say everything you need to say to her. I hope I have helped you in some way and i wish you all the best.
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