A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Well i've been with my b/f for 15 months now, and like all relationships we have our good points and bad. I realise no relationship is perfect but at times he makes me want to pull my own hair out, he knows exactly how to make me rage. Recently we have had a big issue with his jealousy and control over me. He split up with me in the heat of the moment and regretted it, but a part of me was relieved and i didn't want to get back with him. After him beggin and pleading with me to forgive him, i gave him a second chance, on the grounds that he changed his attitude around me, and that he and i would work together on his jealousy. But basically that i wasn't going to put up with his aggression. My mum and dad can't see us going anywhere, i'm only young and can't figure out if i love him, or love being with someone. It's confusing me because i find myself questioning everything we have. He has burned bridges that can't be rebuilt and i'm scared that he will go back to his own ways.He texts and rings me up randomly through the day or night confessing how unhappy he is and constantly focuses on the bad. I attempt to help and i realise that i don't always do a good job at it, but he always takes it out on me...and then later feels guilty and tells me the only reason he does this is because he loves me so much. Without blabbing on too much i'm finding myself trying to hide my emotions from him, because more than likely they will cause arguments later on. I'm hoping to go to university in september and all the while i have him breathing down my neck, adding more pressure on me when this is the most important few weeks of my life and i really need support with my final major. Sorry that this is so long, but in order to gain a perspective of what i'm trying to ask i needed to skim the top layer...The truth is, i can't see us lasting, because i'm not very happy...but i'm scared that i will regret it if i throw it down the toilet without giving a good go at it. Can anyone help me...i realise its like trying to shoot tadpoles in a barrel, but it would be most appreciated!xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): I think you already know what you should do, get out of the relationship while you can. you have all your life ahead and you don't wan't someone to keep pulling you back. Just enjoy being free and single for a while, have some girly nights out. Life's too short to be in a unhappy relationship. Good Luck x
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 I realize you're giving him the benefit of the doubt, but asides from being a therapist, I don't know how else you're going to help him through his jealousy and controlling behaviour. You already know that Love isn't about being controlling or jealous. Jealousy and anger is about insecurity and neediness.
Since you're still young and you want to go to University, I would break up with him right now because changing somebody else's jealous predisposition is like stopping an avalanche. Your emotional, physical and mental energy will be spent trying to keep your life in balance as well as his.
The only way somebody can realize that their attitude or behaviour is damaging is through their own awareness. Since he has the tendency to blame it on you all the time, I don't know how quickly this important first step will happen. It's also worrying me about how 'aggressive' he might be. If you break up with him, is there a possibility that he might stalk you?
If you want to persevere with this relationship, here's website:
http://www.behavioralconsultants.com/partner's_jealousy.htm
Otherwise, I think you know that you can't continue with this relationship. You don't sound like you just want to be in love with someone either, you just sound like you want to break up with him and know that you're doing the right thing ie. If you fix this problem with him and your relationship still doesn't work, then it's not your fault anymore. Well, it's not your fault to begin with. Break up with him while you still can, but don't do it in the heat of anger. Just tell him your reasons in a calm manner and then leave. If he says provoking things, don't react - that's probably what he wants to hear - just go.
Don't pick up any of his phone calls, don't follow the same route home anymore, just get from point A to point B, preferably with a friend. (I know, it sounds like I'm over-reacting, but you need to specify what you mean by him being aggressive)
I wish it could have been better for you, dear.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): The biggest issue is when you said you are not happy.If the relationship is starting to make you unhappy in the early-ish stages then i would question that.And you are your own person even in a relationship you are your own person and nobody has the right to control you and what you do.You have already given him chances and i would seriously think about that.You said your afraid to be on your own i can understand that but this man is making you unhappy.
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