A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'd be really grateful for some advice on this one, as i'm going round in circles. 10 years ago,when I was a young and foolish teenager (just!) I met a lovely guy,(let's call him Dave) we dated for about 6 months, then I was moving away, so ended the relationship as I didn't want to have a long distance boyfriend. In my new location, I met someone else and had a 3 year relationship. 2 years in Dave moved to the city where I was living and we started meeting up, and I began to realise I still had deep feelings for him. I split up with my boyfriend (the relationship was all wrong) and Dave and I contined to meet up as friends, but although we clearly had a 'spark' and did end up kissing on the odd occasion, he maintained he was not ready for a relationship. Neither was I really after having just come out of a long term relationship. Dave's work took him to move away again and we kept in touch and met up every 3 months or so, but got on with our own lives. We did however acknowledge our feelings for each other (he even told me he loved me)and that if practical things ever became easier, we'd try again between us. 6 months later, Dave called me out of the blue to say he was really sorry but he'd met someone else. At this point I backed away, and to be honest, I was devastated. I tried to get on with my own life, didn't contact him at all and remained single for the next 2 and a half years as I really didn't meet anyone who I had anything like the chemistry I'd had with Dave. However, eventually I realised I'd have to get on with my life and met a perfectly nice guy (let's call him Len) who I had lots on common with and who treated me well. We started dating in 2006 and before I really knew it had been in a 4 year relationship. I had heard on the grapevine that in 2008 Dave had married the girl he'd rung up to tell me about that fateful day in 2004, which rocked me like mad at the time but I accepted it and realised he was out of my life for good. However.....in summer 2010 I received an email from Dave out of the blue asking if I wanted to meet up. We had been emailing each other, vaguely, about once a year in a detached way, and I'd always replied with polite but detached answers to his equally formal questions.He'd asked if i wanted to meet but i'd always ignored him or declined. But the tone of this email was different, so I decided it would be nice to see him after 6 years (I imagined looking at pics of kids and hearing about domestic life)and we met up. ....It was like we'd never been apart and we talked and talked all night, the atmosphere was electric. It turns out he'd got divorced 6 months previously. I told him I was in a relationship and we agreed to meet up every so often as friends. On our second meeting I had a little too much to drink and ended up telling him that I still had feelings for him, and to my complete surprise, he told me that he had feelings for me too. I really really care about Len but in comparison to Dave it's like he's my brother, I can't chat to Len for hours on end, I can just about wade through 10 minutes of conversation, though there arn't any specific problems with the relationship. I can't get Dave (and the possibility of finally getting a chance to be with him) out of my head but am very aware that this may be some kind of fantasy and my relationship with Len, however boring and functional, is more rooted in the real world and I should do Len the service of putting Dave out my life and trying to forget about him once more. I'm sorry this is so long, but what does everyone think? I really don't know what to do.....
View related questions:
divorce, kissing, long distance, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Trinityj696 +, writes (25 January 2011):
Hi, It seems Dave is where your heart is at and if nothing else it has shown you that Len is not enough to keep you happy. If your conversations are a push to keep going now what will it be like when your old?
Dave may be on the rebound right now so my advise is to not rush into anything with him but it seems you need to deal with your situation with Len first!
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 January 2011):
 hi
i think you should let Len go and have a chance to meet someone who feels he is the right man for them, you seem to be just using him, because Dave wasn't free. but now he is. i would be wary of Dave, he is not out of his marriage very long and he wants to hook up with you again, he says he has feelings for you but are you sure that he has the intention of giving you a good committed relationship? if Dave is where your heart is, don't live a lie, it is not fair to Len in the long run. There is no guarantee with Dave, but there is no guarantee with any relationship
xx
...............................
|
