A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I a lesbian? I've never been in a relationship with a guy for more than a month, and never had sex. I know my friends find that odd as do I and they've made comments regarding it, not insulting but kind of questioning and even letting me know that if I were gay they'd still love me and stuff. I just shrug it off, it does not bother me if they think Im a lesbian because to be honest I don't even know. The thing is I am attracted to the (fit) male body, and I have had major crushes on guy friends (that went nowhere and kind left me broken hearted). Regarding any attraction to females, I haven't really had one at least physically. I've had one female friend who i loved spending time with cause we had so much fun but I think that was just a regular friendship. I've always felt that the reason I haven't gotten into a serious or sexual relationship was because A. Im very closed off emotionaly and B. physically I've never felt attractive, Im a bit over weight so just thinking about being naked with someone (male/female) freaks me out!!....so do i just have some issues or could it be that I am a lesbian, how do you know?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 You don't sound like a lesbian, but you don't sound like you're very much into sex either. But then again you explained why you're not that into sex.
I think you just need more time with your guy to feel comfortable, relaxed, and able to enjoy your sexuality together with him. Perhaps you don't really find him attractive and that's the bottom line of it. Which means he just wasn't your type of guy.
One month into a relationship isn't that long. Not to offend your friends, but are they ... easy? I always promote waiting a bit until you are into an official relationship before you have sex, and certainly don't have sex unless you are madly in love and your entire body is longing for it.
It'd be a pity to have sex just to have sex, and it'd also make you feel bad about yourself if you do it when you didn't really feel like it.
Btw, to make it clear, you know you are a lesbian when you want to lick pussy and cocks turn you off, you fall in love with girls and never with guys. You've fallen for guys plenty of times = no way are you a lesbian.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): If you were a lesbian you would know because you would be attracted to females, which you clearly arent. People always want to put us in a 'box' and because you havent had a long standing heterosexual relationship, they are trying to label you as a lesbian. But just because they are wondering....it doesnt mean you are! Why do you feel closed off emotionally? That could be something to work on. No one can have a good relationship when closed off. Its never going to happen because in effect, you wont allow it to happen. So maybe think about what is making you behave in the way you do and try some counselling. Also with your body issues. Ask your friends to help a little by boosting your confidence rather than just gossiping about your sexuality. Maybe one of them would go jogging with you or to the gym, so you can achieve the body shape that you will be happy with. If you can fix those problems then it will leave you in a much better place for dating. Work on those things rather than worry about something that is not even relevant.
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