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Do I have to tell my abusive ex that I am having his baby adopted when it's born?

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Question - (7 June 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 7 June 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I'm not even in my 20s yet and I'm three months pregnant. I told my parents about it and they of course initially freaked out but eventually calmed down. I never told them who the father is, though it's pretty obvious considering they know I've only been with one guy. My ex was emotionally and physically abusive and I told my parents that I don't want him knowing about this child at all. They understood and still understand. Considering I would end up being a single mom and wouldn't be able to give my child the life it deserves, I'm doing an open adoption.

Is it okay that I don't involve my ex in this at all considering the circumstances?

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A male reader, LawGuy United States +, writes (7 June 2009):

First, check with an attorney in your jurisdiction to make certain what you legally can and cannot do regarding any parental rights he may have. I am in the U.S. and the laws here vary widely with jurisdiction.

Then give the baby for adoption - you will make five people so much happier: you, him, the baby, and the adoptive parents who will consider you a saint. Even if you are somehow legally bound, if you do what you want he is unlikely to challenge what you do in court unless you are wealthy and he is simply seeking money.

btw, how will he not know you are pregnant? If he is abusive now, what will he do if you tell him the baby is not his? These are rhetorical so no need to answer in this forum.

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A female reader, Olivia(Y). United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2009):

Olivia(Y). agony auntSome people will argue that the dad should have a right to know about what happens to his child.

You should tell him after all it takes two to make a baby and dads do have rights.

Even if you can't bring yourself to tell him get a parent to tell him. He does have a right to know about the child you made.

Livia

xoxox

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