A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm almost 15 and my boyfriend is 16 next month. I have been in a loving relationship with him for 15 months now. I love and trust him with every fibre of my being! We have had a 'sexual' relationship for about 10 months - by 'sexual' I mean foreplay. We have mutually agreed not to have full on sex because of a number of factors... I have past issues that still scare me and I have a heart condition and he doesn't want to put at risk my health both phyically and emotionally. We have discussed going all the way before. We even went to the doctors together to see about contraception. This was okay by me but freaked my boyfriend out a bit as he wasn't ready. We have already had a pregnancy scare with foreplay and he was very nervous to increase that risk by having sex so we didn't in the end. Now he says that he's getting really close to being ready, he said that he's not quite there yet but can see himself being soon. This is okay by me because I know that he will totally understand if I'm not ready yet although I can't help but be scared. We have condoms but I'm not on the pill. He doesn't want me on the pill too young because of the long term risks. A part of me really is ready but there's this other part that is just screaming.. I'm so scared. I've told him this and he's reassured me that he's for real and he loves me and we can take our time but my past seems to stick in my head and is almost at battle with my boyfriend's affection. I'm torn down the middle what do I do? Do I have sex with him and take things slow or put it off until my past has faded....and will it ever.. the incident happened 5 years ago now.. Plaese help! I don't want to confuse him or make the wrong desission. Thanks jj xxxx
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condom, foreplay, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): NEVER USE 2 CONDOMS!!!. its more likely they will both split instead of using one where it will probablynot split.
A
female
reader, Robyn1701 +, writes (21 August 2007):
 hiya JJ. I know how you feel. I'm 17 now and I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend at 16. I was terrified!
So long as you use the condoms correctly, then you shouldn't have any problems at all. I think that maybe your pregnancy scare was brought on because you were frightened of it happening. if you still aren't sure that a condom will protect you, then you could use two so if one splits (which is rare) then the other one will take over.
If you are worried about the Pills long term affects, then if you decide to go on it, ask about a progesterone based Pill instead. They don't have as many long term affects, and plus it slows and might even stop your periods (and all girls think periods are annoying so that's a good thing!)
I'm not saying all this to push you into sleeping with him. I think you should feel ready. But if you trust this guy then I think it would be good for you to forget your past and get on with your future with him. You're still young so you have a whole future ahead of you and it might just be with this guy.
Mail me if you need to talk or ask more questions because I'm happy to help you and I used to be in a similar situation so I'm likely to understand what's going on.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (21 August 2007):
 hey babe, u say u had the pregnancy scare with foreplay.. dont worry, any type of foreplay which doesnt include both ur genital areas touchin then u cant get pregnant. i no wot u mean about the scaredness, as somethin has happened to u ion the past, which it did to me 3 yrs ago , so u n him need to wait until you become fully happy with the idea of sex. Hope everythin goes alrite, mail me if u wana talk x x x
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