A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend and we have been dating on and off for 2 years; we break up then after 1-3 days we are back to together then it repeats after a week or 2. I am confused about this relationship. I don't know whether this has grown into and attachment problem after being with her for 2 years. At first i did really love her to death and did not want to be with anyone else other than her but now after 2 years i feel that what i once felt, is slowly dying off. Even though i feel i don't love her the same way i used to, i still want to be with her. She cheated on me a year ago with her ex and it hurt much. Ever since then, i choose to avoid a problem either with her or any other kind of problem. I now keep things to myself and try not to deal with problems i have with her. I think that whole thing about her cheating on me with her ex really screwed me over. I am unhappy at this moment and i dont know what i should do, i just dont show my emotions; i try to hide emotions frequently. I am very stressed out emotionally and i try to alleviate my stress by doing pot and i had never done pot until some months ago. My friends say i changed drastically and i dont share anything with them now either; ive been hanging with the woring crowd. What should i do with this realtionship and if it is an attachment problem i have, then how do i handle it?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2008):
 How does she feel? Have you asked? Being together just so you aren't alone is not worth it in the long run. Sit down with her and talk - tell her how you feel, as best as you can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI believe we both have an attachment problem. I feel like something is missing when i don't have her. I know I should let go of her but i just can't. I had many girlfriends but never had i felt what i felt [keyword: FELT] for her. Now i think we are just together because there is nothing else to do or anyone else i feel i can possibly love. I can't let go of her. I am utterly stressed out.. and unhappy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 December 2008):
Put away the pot, it's not going to cure any of your problems.
When someone cheats in a relationship (or marriage) it screws over the partner. You loose faith and trust and up to a point you lose respect and love for the other person, it's natural. You start to second guess yourself and it's a big whack to the self esteem too, believe me I know.
Your relationship (from the little you described) seems very unstable and to be quite honest I don't know why you two are still together. You have feelings for her which again is pretty natural since you have been together for 2 years. But if you two can not talk about your feelings you can not move forward, you can not forgive. Hiding it and sticking your head in the sand doesn't solve a thing, and you know it.
Be open with her - if you wish to continue the relationship otherwise it will never work.
And no, you don't necessarily have an attachment problem. She might however.
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